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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their freetime. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #freetime
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There is a debate on whether
parents
 should allow
children
 to engage in organised group activities during their
freetime
Correct your spelling
free time
 or learn to play by themselves.
While
 it is important for
children
 to play by themselves so as to improve their problem-solving skills, I believe that engaging
children
 in group activities is more crucial as there will be idea generation. Some people encourage their
children
 to play by themselves as it is important for developing their
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 skills.
For instance
, if a child is left alone to play with a toy, he or she can try to
deassemble
Correct your spelling
disassemble
reassemble
 and reassemble it again.
This
 helps the child to grow their cognitive skills and it can be beneficial in the future.
However
, the are consequences to the above assertion
such
 as boredom and
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of suicide
hence
, it is crucial for
parents
 to allow
children
 to engage in organised group activities.
This
 enables
children
 to share ideas, learn to interact with others and improve teamwork. I agree with the idea of
parents
allowind
Correct your spelling
allowing
children
 to play
for example
 in parks with other
children
, as it is
also
 good for their mental health. In conclusion, there are several benefits and disadvantages when it comes to the decision of what to do with
children
 in their
freetime
Correct your spelling
free time
. It is in the interest of
parents
 to decide what is best for their
children
.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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clear comprehensive ideas
Expand the explanations to make the ideas clearer and more comprehensive. For example, provide more details on how organized activities encourage idea generation.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
grammar and typo
Carefully proofread your work to catch small errors such as typos and grammatical mistakes. For example, 'the are consequences' should be 'there are consequences', and 'allowind' should be 'allowing'.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-presented. They provide a solid framework for the essay.
complete response
The essay covers both viewpoints and offers the writer's own opinion. This demonstrates a comprehensive approach to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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