IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Task 2 ‏Some people think that competition at work,at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more,rather than competing against each other.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#‏some #people #competition #work #school #life
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‏Nowadays
competition
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is
Verb problem
has
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crucial
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a crucial
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 role
to encourage
Change preposition
in encouraging
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people
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 to
success
Replace the word
succeed
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ana
Correct your spelling
and
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 develop.
Some
people
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 consider that
competition
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 at
work
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,school and in regular life is
good
Add an article
a good
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 thing.
Others believe that we must
try
Add the particle
try to
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 collaborate more
instead
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
competition
Replace the word
competing
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 against each other.

This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse
this
Linking Words
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
The
competition
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assist
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assists
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people
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 to encourage themselves and improve the quality in different fields.
In other words
Linking Words
, when employees
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 hard,they
are getting
Wrong verb form
get
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promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
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.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 it is essential for
manager
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managers
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 to choose one to make them
work
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 hard next time.
For example
Linking Words
, the manager must attract
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 for the
competition
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 because they will learn for the future.

On the other hand
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,if individuals learn how to
collaboration
Replace the word
collaborate
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,they can help each other in different ways.After
people
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 collaborate at
work
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,
people
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 will do amazing
work
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 in less period.
In addition
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,it  appears that collaboration in various fields
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 society to develop and improve.
For example
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, in
China
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China,
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 there is research about students
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 did a project in
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 days when they
collaborate
Wrong verb form
collaborated
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. 
In conclusion, there are easy answers to
this
Linking Words
 question.On balance,
however
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, I
tend
Add the particle
tend to
show examples
 believe that
although
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 is essential for
people
Use synonyms
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 want to be successful in their life ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 collaboration is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 way to develop.
Submitted by noodi-9 on

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task achievement
To improve Task Response, try to provide more balanced arguments for both sides. While you did support both views, giving more depth to the cooperation viewpoint will round out your argument.
coherence cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Your essay could benefit from clearer transitional phrases between ideas and sections.
task achievement
In terms of idea clarity, focusing on elaborating and giving more comprehensive explanations for each point would help. Delve deeper into the 'why' or 'how' aspects for a more thorough discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You used relevant specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is easy to follow, making it accessible to the reader.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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