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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think it is better to have a single legal system worldwide. Others say countries should have their law. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #system #countries #law
Few individuals argue
to have
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for having
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 a common legal system around the world.
whereas
 others opinion that countries should have their own laws to run their own nations. It will
ideal
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be ideal
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 to have
common
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a common
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 set of rules and regulations around the world to maintain justice for
mainkind
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mankind
.
Although
, every country is made with its own culture and struggles common rules may
to
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apply
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be valid for every nation. In my
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opinion
optinion
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opinion
, some important values and standards have to be maintained
common
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in common
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Submitted by jesujwal on

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task achievement
Your essay presents both views on the topic, which is good, but it needs more development. Including specific examples or evidence would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are clear and comprehensively explained. This can be achieved by elaborating on your points and providing further details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on the structure of your essay. An ideal structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a clear conclusion. This helps in maintaining the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your points about culture and struggles are good, but they need to be expanded upon. Explain how different cultures and struggles might require different laws and provide examples where possible.
coherence cohesion
You might want to start your essay with a clearer introduction and end with a conclusion that sums up your points. This will help in making your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good attempt to balance the discussion by mentioning culture and struggles, which are valid points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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