Some people believe that entertainment such as film star pop musicians or sports star are paid to much money Do you agree or disagree? Which other type of jobs should be highly paid.?
In
this
essay, I want to give my opinions about the people who work in a
entertainment sector as Correct article usage
the
pop
Add an article
a pop
musician
, film Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
actor
or Fix the agreement mistake
actors
footballer
Fix the agreement mistake
footballers
are
paid Correct pronoun usage
who are
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
money
. Moreover
, I will determine that
which other Correct pronoun usage
apply
type
of jobs should be highly paid.
Fix the agreement mistake
types
To begin
with, this
is well-known information that musicians, footballers and film stars are gained well. However
, everyone can ask that are these persons
work sufficiently Replace the word
people
for gaining
the Change preposition
to gain
money
highly?
At Correct quantifier usage
most money
the
first look, we can assume that; the job those persons do is, just singing or writing songs, memorizing sentences and doing sports. Correct article usage
apply
However
, the fact is, they
have a difficult background. They spent their entire Correct word choice
that they
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
to become
Change the verb form
becoming
a
Correct article usage
apply
proffessional
. We don't reject that some of them Correct your spelling
professionals
naturally
talented, but Add a missing verb
are naturally
generally
they trained a lot so their Add a comma
generally,
accomplishes
and fame didn't come without struggles and efforts.
Replace the word
accomplishments
On the other hand
, those people is
famous, they are loved by the masses. Naturally, fame comes with Change the verb form
are
money
.
In addition
, some of the labours are should highly paid. Especially jobs which is needs
specializations or hard and physical efforts have to get high salaries. The balance between the job and salary is important.
Wrong verb form
need
As a result
, in my opinion, they are paid too much money
, and that has 2 reason
. Change to a plural noun
reasons
Firstly
, they are famous and fame comes with money
, secondly
they trained very hard to get Add a comma
secondly,
such
as those accomplishes. However
, for some jobs
the balance is not maintained between effort and salary.Add a comma
jobs,
Submitted by ilyascanaltan on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity and cohesion, use transitional phrases such as 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' and 'In conclusion' consistently. This will guide the reader through your points more effectively.
task achievement
Try to extend your main points with specific examples or additional details. For instance, you could mention particular artists or types of sports qualifications to support your argument.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, giving it a good structure overall.
balanced arguments
The writer successfully presents both sides of the argument regarding the earnings of entertainers.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.