IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry payment and land. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #payment #land #case
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Despite the improvements in farming , a myriad of individuals are still hungry.
Due to
Linking Words
 the
poverty
Use synonyms
, many
people
Use synonyms
 faint from hunger all around the world. The best method to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue is to give humans
jobs
Use synonyms
 that they are able to do. In record times,
poverty
Use synonyms
 has been the main reason why many
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering from lack of
food
Use synonyms
. Because of the economic instability in nations,
people
Use synonyms
 in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 countries live in bad conditions,
hence
Linking Words
 they can not buy
food
Use synonyms
 for themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, in
India
Add a comma
India,
show examples
 millions of citizens have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 ability to buy bread, owing to
poverty
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 have money in their pockets, so they can pay for meals to eat. Turning to the solution,
organization
Correct article usage
the organization
show examples
 of new
jobs
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 can
work
Use synonyms
, helps
people
Use synonyms
 earn cash for
living
Add an article
a living
show examples
. Building factories in areas where
people
Use synonyms
 need
Use synonyms
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 and teaching them
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 benefits for the government,
also
Linking Words
 the
poverty
Use synonyms
 part of
people
Use synonyms
 who can not
work
Use synonyms
 in other high-quality
jobs
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the researchers, China with billions of
people
Use synonyms
 has a high economy because they take care of every person and 96 per cent of
people
Use synonyms
 are working,
however
Linking Words
 only 4%
have
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
work
Use synonyms
, so they do not have poor
people
Use synonyms
 who can not buy
food
Use synonyms
 for themselves. In conclusion, because of the
poverty
Use synonyms
 in
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can not buy
food
Use synonyms
, in spite of the fact that agriculture advances.
Solution
Correct article usage
A solution
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem can be opening more
jobs
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
. It is recommended for the government to provide
work
Use synonyms
 for as many
people
Use synonyms
 as possible.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, try addressing more facets of the problem. Discussing possible solutions more comprehensively can strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, connect your ideas more seamlessly. Use more linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and expand on your points to add depth to your argument.
task achievement
You made a clear effort to provide a solution to the problem, which is an important aspect of task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure for your argument.
task achievement
Including specific references, such as your example about China, adds weight to your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: