Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Many believe that
music
has the power to unite people
from diverse backgrounds and age groups, promoting, mutual understanding and empathy. This
essay will explore the extent to which it can indeed bridge the gaps between different cultures and ages.
One significant way music
brings people
together is providing
a common ground for shared experiences. Change preposition
by providing
For instance
, global music
festivals like Coachella and Lollapalooza attract audiences from various countries, demonstrating how different cultures can connect through a shared love for music
. Additionally
, genres such
as pop and rock have international appeal, with artists like BTS and Ed Sheeran amassing fans worldwide, illustrating how music
can overcome cultural barriers and create a sense of global community.Personal experiences also
reflect this
; attending concerts or music
events often involves meeting people
from diverse backgrounds and thus
establishing connections.
Music
also
bridges generational gaps, allowing different age groups to interact and relate to each other. For example
, classic rock bands like The Beatles continue to influence younger generations, with modern artists often incorporating elements of past musical styles. In family settings, music
can be a bonding activity that spans generations; playing old songs or engaging in musical activities together often creates shared moments of joy and understanding.
In conclusion, music
obviously serves as a powerful tool for connecting people
across cultural and generational divides. Its ability to create shared experiences and foster understanding among diverse groups highlights its role as a universal language.Submitted by checkmyessay9 on
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coherence & cohesion
Although the essay presents a clear response to the task, incorporating linking words or phrases between paragraphs will improve cohesion. Try using words like 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', or 'Additionally' to emphasize transitions and maintain smooth flow.
coherence & cohesion
Some minor grammatical errors and lack of commas resulted in awkward sentences. Proofreading and practicing punctuation will enhance readability. For example: 'providing a common ground for shared experiences.' should be 'by providing'. Or 'Personal experiences also reflect this;' should be 'Personal experiences also reflect this, showing that'.
coherence & cohesion
Make a stronger case by finalizing your points with a summarizing statement before concluding. For example, you could summarize the shared experiences and bridging gaps points before concluding the essay.
task achievement
Instead of 'Many believe,' clearly state 'I believe' or 'It is commonly believed.' This will make your position stronger.
task achievement
The essay is well-organized with clear ideas and relevant examples to support the argument. Using specific examples like Coachella and bands like BTS made the points more concrete.
coherence & cohesion
The introduction and conclusion both effectively frame the essay, presenting a clear topic and summarizing the main argument efficiently.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?