One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #outweigh

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In recent years Medicare reached fantastic discoveries and results in treatments so people can enjoy longevity and want to explore life

further

to get all the benefits despite their ages.

While

the changes brought many benefits, there are several drawbacks. Both views will be illustrated in

this

essay. Personally, I tend to see only the positive sides of

this

phenomenon and think life is too interesting to live it short. Medical care today provides

Change preposition

apply

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society

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with a

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better life from all perspectives.

For example

near

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some decades ago sick persons who suffered from chronic diseases like diabetes or various kinds of hepatitis suffered from the start of diagnosis of the illness and preferred to stay at home

due to

the

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apply

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poor health. But now it is difficult to recognise

such

patients if they get their medicines on time.

Moreover

for example

for diabetic patients, there is no need to pinch a finger

for

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show examples

test the blood constantly and measure the sugar index, the special pomp which is adhered to the skin gives instant results to the smartphone.

This

gives them the feeling of freedom from the decease and they plan their living with long perspectives to the future: see

the

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their

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grandchildren, travel, change

the

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their

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profession or start

the

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new business.

As a

result

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result,

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contemporary medicine

safe

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saves

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people’s lives and gives a lot of liberty which in turn changes mindset.

However

, there is one main disadvantage of modern medicine and

this

is the price. All cures for many deceases are very expensive. Only a few rich persons can afford real good innovative treatment or operations and the government can provide just basic. People get enormous loans and sell properties just to have a chance to be cured.

Consequently

, not all patients who suffer can afford the treatment of today’s medicine and

this

is the most

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disappointing fact. In summary,

this

essay covered both the pros and cons of present-day medical care. Apart from finding solutions to cure diseases and give people optimistic long years ahead free from pain, the prices for

the

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medical services and remedies restrain the opportunity to get them at all levels of society.

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task achievement

The essay would benefit from a clearer introduction. While it presents the topic, it could more explicitly state the thesis or main stance of the writer on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

coherence cohesion

There is a slight overuse of commas and long sentences. Breaking some of the sentences into shorter ones would enhance clarity and readability.

task achievement

Including specific statistical data or studies could strengthen the argument and provide more solid evidence to support the points made.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points more effectively and reiterating the stance of the writer.

task achievement

The essay uses specific examples, such as the advancements in diabetes management, which effectively illustrate the points being made.

task achievement

The writer successfully presents both sides of the argument, making the essay balanced and informative.

coherence cohesion

The essay transitions smoothly between ideas, showing a good sense of flow and progression.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

357 words

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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The diagram details the process of making clothes from plastic bottles.

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school. Do the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe that they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

The users of social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, are replacing face-to-face contact in this century. Do you think the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvatages?