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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European countries from 2011 to 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European countries from 2011 to 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#bar #divorce #rates #two #european #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph shows
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of divorces over a five-year
period
Use synonyms
 between 2011 and 2015 in
Finland
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 experienced a downward trend,
while
Linking Words
Finland
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trend throughout
Use synonyms
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
. Both countries' divorce rates had
flactuations
Correct your spelling
fluctuations
.
Although
Linking Words
Finland
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 had a lower
rate
Use synonyms
, it outraced
Sweden
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Sweden
Use synonyms
’s divorce
rate
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 was about 45% in 2011, being higher than
Finland
Use synonyms
’s
rate
Use synonyms
 by approximately 8%.
Then
Linking Words
, it rose to almost fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2012.
However
Linking Words
, the figure showed a gradual decrease to about 47% in 2013
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and continued to decline steadily to the end of the
period
Use synonyms
, reaching around 45% in 2014 and hitting a
low-point
Correct your spelling
low point
show examples
 of about 37% in 2015.
Percentage
Correct article usage
The percentage
show examples
 of divorces in
Finland
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 was less than 40% in 2011, and it decreased in 2012, when about
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of marriages in
Finland
Use synonyms
 ended with a divorce (as opposed to almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half in
Sweden
Use synonyms
).
However
Linking Words
, the figure experienced
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
steady growth during the next two years. It rose to approximately 39% in 2013,
then
Linking Words
 increased by around 3% in 2014, and remained steady for the next year, outracing the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
Sweden
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by elbayevazamat on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, finland, sweden, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • divorce rates
  • fluctuate
  • increase
  • decrease
  • peak
  • trough
  • trend
  • notable
  • significant
  • substantial
  • higher
  • lower
  • comparison
  • consistent
  • vary
  • percent
  • overall
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