Some people say arts such as music and painting cannot directly improve the quality of people's life, so the government should not put money on art such as music and painting, instead, they should spend more money on construction of public services. Do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals believe that
state
should pay for Correct article usage
the state
the
public life works rather than raising Correct article usage
apply
the
funds Correct article usage
apply
to
the educational arts subjects because these are not Change preposition
for
Add an article
a contributor
contributor
Fix the agreement mistake
contributors
in
their future growth. I strongly disagree Change preposition
to
the
statement since Change preposition
with the
such
creative sectors provide learners more
platforms to show their hidden talents and Change preposition
with more
also
give them financial freedom.
To commence with, in most of the regions, number
of folks consider that students outperform in non-academic subjects, and induction of several international events is Change the article
a number
the number
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
opportunities
for younger to showcase their inbuilt skills confidently. Aesthetic painting Fix the agreement mistake
opportunity
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
artist's
emotions and deliberations and , Correct article usage
an artist's
moreover
, music depicts the singer's mindfulness,
Correct word choice
and, consequences
consequences
success has ingrained itself into their lives. Without a doubt, there are increasing Correct article usage
the consequences
the
number of arts seminars both locally and globally, which is only the reason Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
for
generation's
interest.
Correct article usage
the generation's
Furthermore
, non-technical fields are more prominent than technical that
impart the students Correct pronoun usage
apply
a
job Correct article usage
apply
opportunity
with decent income compared with science Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
like
musician earned four Change preposition
apply
time
more than an engineer by introducing Change to a plural noun
times
his
only one concert. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, a
leading research in America has shown that non-formal sectors have 60 Remove the article
apply
percent
of Change the spelling
per cent
country's
economy . I Correct article usage
the country's
also
opine that ,in world-fast
race, self-possession should be encouraged which not only Correct article usage
a world-fast
enhance
creativity but Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
also
magnificent for Add a missing verb
is also
future
.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
the future
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
human's
welfare is Change noun form
human
basic
need Add an article
the basic
a basic
of
Change preposition
for
country's
prosperity and development, I suspect that it is unfair to think that continuing Correct article usage
a country's
of
artistic areas is just Change preposition
apply
waste
of money , it Correct article usage
a waste
reflect
betterment Change the verb form
reflects
in
human inspiration and Change preposition
of
also
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
the
unemployment for Correct article usage
apply
vibrant
future.Correct article usage
a vibrant
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task response
While your essay covers key points related to the benefits of arts and how they contribute to personal and economic growth, it would benefit from a clearer structure. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea supported by examples and explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are difficult to understand due to awkward phrasing or improper use of words. Work on sentence clarity and coherence. For instance, 'I strongly disagree the statement...' should be 'I strongly disagree with the statement...'.
task achievement
The introduction effectively presents your viewpoint and outlines the main arguments.
task response
You provide examples to back your points, such as the comparison between musicians and engineers and the American research study on non-formal sectors.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.