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It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parent and teacher be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parent #teacher #behavior
Even though I agree that
punishment
 is sometimes necessary to teach a lesson to a child, I still think there should be boundaries applied to what kind of
punishment
 is allowed for parents or teachers.
For example
, people should not use violence as a form of
punishment
 for their children. Unfortunately,
this
 seems to be a normal case where parents or teachers use some violent way as a
punishment
 without considering that
this
 type of
punishment
 undoubtedly will affect the child's mental health. In my opinion, it will
also
 teach children that it is okay to use violence as long as you think that it is right.
Submitted by megyfebryanisyah on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to provide a clearer introduction and conclusion to help frame your arguments better. Starting with a general statement about the importance of teaching right and wrong, followed by your opinion on punishment, would strengthen your introduction. Concluding with a summary of key points would enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your main points with relevant examples. For instance, you could discuss non-violent alternative punishments, like time-outs, or give real-life scenarios where non-violent punishments were effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a single clear idea that’s well supported. Your current paragraph mixes the necessity of punishment with the types of punishments, which can be better separated into distinct paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly states your opinion on punishment and provides a viable argument against the use of violence.
Task Achievement
Your concern for children's mental health and the potential lessons they might learn from violent punishments is well-articulated.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral development
  • positive reinforcement
  • negative reinforcement
  • disciplinary methods
  • behavioral psychology
  • natural consequences
  • physical punishment
  • psychological impacts
  • consistent rules
  • privileges
  • parenting strategies
  • educational approaches
  • ethical upbringing
  • moral compass
  • child-rearing practices
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