Some people think that social networking sites have a hug negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

In recent times, technology has become increasingly advanced, and many applications have been created to support individuals’ work.
Therefore
, it is argued that social networking
sites
may offer several immense detrimental impacts on both the personal and societal levels. I would argue that
although
social networking
sites
will be able to offer certain drawbacks, there are more positive impacts
such
as experiencing diverse cultures and gaining new knowledge or skills. At first glance, the main drawback of social networking
platforms
is social impact. Once
people
typically work only on their screens and in their rooms, they tend to lose their confidence when they step outside their comfort zones.
Consequently
, it will mitigate personal abilities in order to express themselves.
According to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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social
behavior
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behaviour
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research conducted by Tokyo University in 2023, over 60% of regular social
media
users
struggle with their self-confidence and verbal expression in the workplace after
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
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pandemic. Despite the downside of using social
media
platforms
, there are two benefits.
Firstly
, when
users
engage in social
media
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
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, they have a tendency to experience diversely.
This
is because
people
globally access the same
sites
,
such
as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, which allow
users
to meet
people
from different backgrounds or nations, and
this
is the feature connecting
people
together.
As a result
, those who aim to study abroad or move to other countries for employment, and they enable to adapt to the new environment quickly, especially to language barriers and culture shocks across the country. The other benefit is new knowledge gained. Social
media
platforms
have become a place for sharing information from various sources, which offers potential benefits to its
users
.
For instance
, governments frequently post information regarding volunteers on social
media
platforms
because
in
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, in
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this
way, it easily approaches voluntary seekers. Because of
this
, individuals have opportunities to participate and improve their resumes. In conclusion,
although
social networking
sites
carry some drawbacks
on
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in
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social impact, these
platforms
may offer valuable advantages in terms of diversity and information awareness.
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task achievement
You effectively address both aspects of the task by mentioning both the negative and positive impacts of social networking sites. However, try to provide a more balanced discussion by including more examples or expanding on the negative impacts to ensure a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Make sure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to further enhance cohesion. Adding linking phrases between paragraphs would improve readability.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage by mentioning both the potential drawbacks and benefits of social networking sites.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the research by Tokyo University and references to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, help to illustrate your points clearly.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, making it easy to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You successfully include both an introduction and a conclusion, reinforcing your overall argument.
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