IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that for this reason younger workers are to be preferred.

#workers #workplace #reason
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These days, there has been a
distpute
Correct your spelling
dispute
 of
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 are preferred
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 older
workers
Use synonyms
 above 50. Many individuals claim that the
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 generated by older groups
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 too classic compared to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
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generation
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, I strongly argue that
workers
Use synonyms
 over 50 retain a diversity of skills to apply from their experiences.
To begin
Linking Words
, older
workers
Use synonyms
 retain a wide range of databases to analyse modern cases.
For example
Linking Words
, they could have gone through harsh issues, so they may find the best approach to solve the problem, but
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
struggle
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struggles
show examples
 to give an answer.
Hence
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, suited solutions would be treated as their advantages to give their opinions widely with the
cofidence
Correct your spelling
confidence
.
In addition
Linking Words
, experienced
workers
Use synonyms
 have specialised skills to produce
a
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apply
show examples
creative
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
. Since they have joined the identical company in a long period, they are aware of a change in the future trend, leading to
give
Verb problem
apply
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a close estimate.
For instance
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, older groups may have finished the market research earlier, so outcomes are more concise and accurate to be used as the main point.
In contrast
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, the new
generation
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learn
Change the verb form
learns
show examples
 from various resources
such
Linking Words
 as a laptop and iPad, but newspaper.
Thus
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, it is more exposed by numerous scandals, yielding to produced
insipiring
Correct your spelling
inspiring
 proposals, but it might be insignificant in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life as most of them are unrealistic. In conclusion, there is a controversy that
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 weak in terms of modern ideas.
Although
Linking Words
 they do not acquire global cases, their advantages are strong
enoguh
Correct your spelling
enough
 to cover their weaknesses.
Submitted by az7082687 on

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Language
To achieve a higher score, work on improving sentence structures and addressing minor grammatical errors. Clear and error-free sentences make your arguments easier to understand and follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revisit the introduction and conclusion to ensure they are clear and effectively summarize the main points. Well-constructed introductions and conclusions can enhance the overall structure of your essay.
Task Achievement
Develop the argument further by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This can help in making your essay more persuasive and demonstrating a deeper engagement with the topic.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic by addressing both the advantages of older workers and the capabilities of younger workers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraphs are logically structured, and there is a clear progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which helps in illustrating your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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