IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line chart compares the proportion of workers in Services, manufacturing,
agriculture
Use synonyms
, construction and mining in
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
 from 1962 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of workers in
services
Correct article usage
the services
show examples
 sector saw an upward trend,
while
Linking Words
 the others decreased significantly. Only the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of workers in mining factor
remain
Change the verb form
remains
show examples
 the same at all time
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
. In 1962, employees in the service sector accounted for just over 50%, and
this
Linking Words
 figure steadily increased
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 30% after 50 years. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of services reached the highest point in 2012 at almost 80%. Meanwhile, at the same time, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of manufacturing and
agriculture
Use synonyms
fallen down
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 by 10% after 50 years. To be more specific, in 1962, manufacturing and
agriculture
Use synonyms
 were 25% and 11%, in the year 2012s, both of them decreased to only 10% in manufacturing and above 0% in
agriculture
Use synonyms
 which
even
Add a missing verb
is even
show examples
 lower than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
construction.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of mining stayed almost the same at all years. In 1962, mining started at 0%
Change preposition
of worker
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 and in 2012 was 1%,
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
 the most unpopular
industries
Fix the agreement mistake
industry
show examples
 at that time.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words agriculture, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: