The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line chart compares the proportion of workers in Services, manufacturing,
agriculture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, construction and mining in
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australia

The word Australian doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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from 1962 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
percentage
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of workers in
services
Correct article usage
the services

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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sector saw an upward trend,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the others decreased significantly. Only the
percentage
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of workers in mining factor
remain
Change the verb form
remains

The verb remain does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the same at all time
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods

It seems that period may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. In 1962, employees in the service sector accounted for just over 50%, and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

figure steadily increased
about
Change preposition
by about

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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30% after 50 years. The
percentage
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of services reached the highest point in 2012 at almost 80%. Meanwhile, at the same time, the
percentage
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of manufacturing and
agriculture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

fallen down
Wrong verb form
fell

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb fallen down. Consider changing it.

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by 10% after 50 years. To be more specific, in 1962, manufacturing and
agriculture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

were 25% and 11%, in the year 2012s, both of them decreased to only 10% in manufacturing and above 0% in
agriculture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which
even
Add a missing verb
is even

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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lower than
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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construction.
Lastly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
percentage
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of mining stayed almost the same at all years. In 1962, mining started at 0%
Change preposition
of worker

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers

It seems that worker may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and in 2012 was 1%,
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb remained. Consider changing it.

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the most unpopular
industries
Fix the agreement mistake
industry

It seems that industries may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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at that time.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words agriculture, percentage with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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