IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Digital technologies (for example, computers and smartphones) have improved the quality of communication between people. Use reasons and examples to explain your answer.

#technologies #computers #smartphones #quality #communication #people
In
this
 modern day and age, technological devices
such
 as computers and smartphones have significantly improved for various uses that have positive impacts.
People
 can now communicate with
people
 without any limitations with gadgets. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 statement because we can have better connectivity with other
people
 and get global exposure
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
issues
 around the world. First of all, the enhancement of digital technologies will enable us to connect with a lot of
people
 easily. There will be no distance and time zone restraints as WhatsApp, WeChat or any message applications allow us to communicate with
people
 globally. These applications are known and used widely so any distant mutual or families can be contacted regularly and easily.
Thus
, we will be able to strengthen relationships with others by sending updates just at one’s fingertips. Other than that, these devices have
upgraded
Add a missing verb
been upgraded
show examples
 to be able to update the current and ongoing
issues
 that are happening around the world. There is live news which can be obtained by watching the news channel on YouTube or the online websites on our smartphones rather than watching the television. The advantage of
this
 is we get to understand and learn more about global
issues
 as there are lots of news channels that provide the latest updates.
This
 can easily reach the audience that wants to gain new knowledge about certain
issues
. In conclusion, the improvement of computers and smartphones has
ease
Change the verb form
eased
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
users in many factors
such
 as communicating with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loved ones and getting a better understanding
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
specific cases. These devices will continue to develop by following the current trends and demands from
people
.
Submitted by izziannblh on

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task achievement
Your essay presents clear ideas, but it would benefit from more relevant and specific examples to strengthen the points made, especially in the second body paragraph. Providing real-life instances or studies can make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, but consider using more varied transition words to enhance the flow between points (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Additionally'). This can make your writing more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly outline and summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay with each paragraph focused on a clear main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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