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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

You have just starteda course in a college which has no sport facilitiesbof its own. Writte letter to the management of the nearest private port club. In your letter. ●introduce yourself ●say why you are interested in this sport club ●ask some questions about the club e.g facilities, members,cost

#starteda #course #college #sport #facilitiesbof #writte #management #port #club #●introduce #●say #●ask #questions #e #g #facilities #members #cost
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to join your
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
club
. Because of the well secured. My full name is Raxmon Kamolov and I have been doing
sport
 for six
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
 in a college
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 until I
have seen
Wrong verb form
saw
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your
Replace the word
you're
you are
show examples
advertise
Replace the word
advertisement
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 on your
on the street
Add a hyphen
on-the-street
show examples
 wall. And I have seen you have a lot of new
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
come
Wrong verb form
coming
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 from Brazil. And I am so interested
in
Correct pronoun usage
in it
show examples
. Now I want to work in your
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
club
. The reason is that well equipped and
hot
Add a missing verb
has hot
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 water. In my old
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
club
Add a comma
club,
show examples
 there were more problems with hot water. So now I have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
some of the questions about your
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
club
.
And my
Correct word choice
My
show examples
 first question is how much should I
need to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pay
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per month. And
then
 can I utilize all
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
That is
 all my questions I look forward to your reply. Yours faithfully, Raxmon Kamolov
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more detailed reasons for wanting to join the club. Explain why the equipment from Brazil interests you and mention specific sports you are interested in pursuing.
suitable writing tone
Aim to use more formal language and avoid grammatical errors to improve your writing tone. For example, 'Because of the well secured' could be rewritten to 'because of the high level of security provided.'
logical structure
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has a single idea and flows smoothly to the next one. Your reason for interest in the club and the issues with hot water could be divided into separate paragraphs for clarity.
greeting and closing
The greeting and closing of the letter are appropriate and formal.
single idea per paragraph
The letter uses paragraphs to break up the content, which helps in organizing the ideas better.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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