IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

It is generally observed that almost all high level jobs are done by men. Does it mean that the government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? Do you agree or disagree with this proposition.

#level #jobs #men #government #percentage #women #proposition
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I want to argue and give my opinion on the question that;
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
 are done by
men
Use synonyms
. Should
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 encourage a certain percentage of these
jobs
Use synonyms
 to be reserved for
women
Use synonyms
?
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 beginning,
men
Use synonyms
 are more employed than
women
Use synonyms
.
Further
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 are paid more, they can find
jobs
Use synonyms
 easily, and they can reach
the high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 positions than
women
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, work possibilities are more difficult for
women
Use synonyms
. Naturally, in the modern world,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should maintain the balance and the equality for employment between
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, if we talk about
understandeble
Correct your spelling
understanding
 unequal situations, there
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a basic and physical differences between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
.
Women
Use synonyms
 are more romantic and
emotinal
Correct your spelling
emotional
 rather than
men
Use synonyms
. We can unanimously accept that
men
Use synonyms
 are more realistic and serious.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 are good at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
 that
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 physical power.
As a result
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
differences create inequalities which is normal. In my opinion, except
normal
Change preposition
for normal
show examples
unequalities
Correct your spelling
inequalities
,
Correct article usage
the governement
show examples
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 has to take precautions to
pervent
Correct your spelling
prevent
 inequalities in work life. Unequal work circumstances can cause unequal income, well-being,
happiness
Correct word choice
and happiness
show examples
further
Linking Words
 married life.
As a result
Linking Words
, Inequality huge problem that should be prevented. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 proposition. Some of the certain
jobs
Use synonyms
 must be reserved for
women
Use synonyms
 to maintain the balance between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
.
Submitted by ilyascanaltan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, but it could benefit from having more structured arguments and relevant examples to support your points. Consider dividing your essay into clear paragraphs, each tackling a specific aspect of the question.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically into the next. Clear connections between your points will make your argument more cohesive.
language
Be mindful of minor language errors. Paying attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling will help you convey your ideas more clearly and professionally.
task achievement
You've presented a clear stance on the issue, making it evident what your opinion is. This is a good foundation for a strong essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay concludes with a summary of your viewpoint, which helps to wrap up your argument effectively. Maintaining this structure is beneficial.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: