IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for eveyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#eveyone #people #money #future
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Savings
 is an art, not everyone can follow a strict discipline to save money throughout their lives, those who learn
this
 art can ensure a safe
future
 for themselves and their family. In the recent era, there has been an ongoing debate,
whether
Change preposition
about whether
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 is it necessary for everyone, including the younger generation to control their
expenses
 and maximise their
savings
 for their
future
. I agree that
savings
 is an important factor to ensure a reliable and
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
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future
.
This
 essay will argue
on
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apply
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why people from all age groups
needs
Change the verb form
need
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 to plan their
budget
 to save up for their
future
.
To begin
 with,
modern
Add an article
the modern
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 era is full of
expenses
 starting from basic necessities
such
 as food, clothing and housing which are considered a part of needs (things which are
curcial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 for
a
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apply
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human survival), with some additional
expenses
 related to entertainment including club parties, purchasing highly expensive products (Jewellery and Watches), these
expenses
 comes under the category of wants (things which can be overlooked and are not part of human survival),
however
, if a young individual cannot differentiate between their needs and wants and fail to plan their
overall
budget
then
 they might not end up saving a considerable amount for their
future
.
For instance
, a recent survey was conducted by the national government of
Tansanzia
Correct your spelling
Tanzania
 where more than half of the younger generation was spending their average annual income on their "wants"
whereas
 only a tiny
proporation
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of people who were planning their
budget
according
Add the preposition
according to
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 their "needs" were able to save up a handsome amount by the end of the financial year.
Additionally
, the younger generation of
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 era
do
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does
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 not consider
savings
 and investments an important aspect of their lives.
This
 mistake and mindset can be corrected if the concepts related to financials are included in their schools and
colleges
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colleges'
college's
show examples
 curriculums and topics related to expense and
budget
 planning are taught early in their academics stage. A good example can be taken from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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western developed countries
such
 as the USA and the UK, where
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 starting their freshmen year are introduced
with
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to
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 subjects related to tax planning and
budget
 analysis.
To conclude
,
savings
 is a crucial aspect for the futures of individuals regardless of their age. Educating the youth on money management is a must step, as
this
 ensures their ability
of
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apply
show examples
plan to their household
expenses
 and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to save up for their
future
.
Submitted by patelvaibhav1463 on

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grammar
Ensure grammatical accuracy and avoid minor errors like typos or incorrect word forms (e.g., 'crucial' instead of 'curcial', 'children' instead of 'childrens').
cohesion
Enhance the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs by using more linking phrases and transitional words to create a smoother flow.
task response
Discuss counterarguments or different perspectives more explicitly to add depth to your argument.
task response
The essay provides a complete response to the question, addressing why savings is important for all age groups.
task response
Relevant specific examples, such as the survey in Tanzania and educational practices in the USA and UK, effectively support the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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