People from cities go to university more often than those who live in the country. Some people think that the government should make it easier to enter universities for people who live outside the cities and towns by setting lower entry requirements and tuition fees. to what extent do you agreee or disagree with this statement.

The majority of
students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
manage to attend a
university
are mostly people from the urbanized
areas
rather than people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
live in rural
areas
.
This
issue has raised
concerned
Change the form of the verb
concern
show examples
among
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
and they
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that the
government
should enable the
students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
live in towns to enter a
university
with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
lower entrance
requirements
and
university
fees. In my opinion, I agree
to lessen
Change preposition
with lessening
show examples
the tuition fees, but I disagree
to change
Change preposition
with changing
show examples
the
university
entry
requirements
as all
students
should be given equal opportunity.
Firstly
,
students
from rural
areas
have low family income. Most of their father either sell food in markets, farmers or fishermen
while
their mother is a
housewife
Fix the agreement mistake
housewives
show examples
. The
government
should provide more scholarships that support
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
with low income so smart
students
will not have to worry about the fees as some organizations will provide full scholarships as long as they maintain a good result.
Thus
,
this
will motivate more
students
from rural
areas
to take their studies more seriously as they have chances to enter the
university
freely.
However
, the admission
requirements
should not be lowered to enter the
university
.
This
is because all
students
should be given the same opportunity to continue their education. If the
government
decides to reduce the required acceptance for
students
in
remoted
Correct your spelling
remote
show examples
areas
, they might not survive during their schooling in
university
as it is an institution that
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
higher knowledge and learning in one’s major. So, all
students
should enter the
university
with the same
requirements
. In conclusion, the
government
should provide all
help
Correct article usage
the help
show examples
they are able to give. All
students
from any
areas
Fix the agreement mistake
area
show examples
should not take any benefits they
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
for granted and continue to study diligently.
Submitted by izziannblh on

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task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the task response by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion; however, some areas could use more specific examples to strengthen the points raised.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion are strong, with logical structuring and effective use of paragraphs. However, transitions between some ideas could be smoother to ensure a better flow.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, providing a clear starting point and a strong ending to the essay.
logical structure
The main points are supported adequately with explanations, maintaining a logical structure throughout the essay.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban-rural divide
  • educational equity
  • accessibility
  • diversity
  • compromise
  • unfair advantage
  • quality of education
  • infrastructural development
  • scholarships
  • targeted interventions
  • equitable solutions
  • relocating students
  • socioeconomic barriers
  • government intervention
  • educational disparity
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