IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is a commonly held belief that the death penalty is a good deterrent to prevent heinous crimes. However, others believe that life long sentence is a better deterrent. Discuss both views with openion

Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
death
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penalty
Use synonyms
 is the best way to stop serious crimes,
while
Linking Words
 others think a
life
Use synonyms
 sentence is a stronger form of
punishment
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.
Although
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 execution may create fear, I believe that keeping criminals in
prison
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 for
life
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 is a more effective and fair solution. On the one hand, supporters of the
death
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penalty
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 argue that it prevents
people
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 from committing terrible crimes
such
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 as murder or terrorism. The fear of losing one’s
life
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 is seen as the strongest possible warning. Some countries that still use
this
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punishment
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also
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 report lower crime rates.
In addition
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, it is often said that the
death
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penalty
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 gives quick justice to victims’ families and saves money because the government does not need to pay for many years of
prison
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 care.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 think that a lifelong
prison
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 sentence works better as a warning. Living the rest of one’s
life
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 behind bars forces criminals to face the results of their actions every day. Unlike execution, which ends everything immediately,
prison
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 time is a constant
punishment
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. A
life
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 sentence
also
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 avoids the risk of killing innocent
people
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 by mistake, which can never be corrected.
Finally
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, societies that end the
death
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penalty
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 show that they value human
life
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 and believe in
punishment
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 without violence. In my opinion,
while
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 the
death
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penalty
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 may appear to solve problems quickly, it raises serious moral questions and does not always prevent crime.
Life
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 sentences,
by contrast
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, both punish criminals and protect society in a safer and more responsible way. In conclusion, both punishments try to stop serious crimes, but I strongly believe that
life
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 in
prison
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 is better than execution.

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task
Task response: keep a clear view from start to end. Add more real examples.
coherence
Coherence: use smoother link words. Make one main idea in one paragraph.
content
Clear view of your choice is stated.
structure
Good use of On the one hand / On the other hand to show sides.
summary
Your conclusion restates your view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent effect
  • capital punishment
  • life imprisonment
  • heinous crimes
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • irreversible consequences
  • wrongful convictions
  • psychological impact
  • cost-benefit analysis
  • criminal justice system
  • incarceration
  • recidivism rates
  • public opinion
  • human rights
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