IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of people who visited different museums in London during different months in 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the number of people who visited different museums in London during different months in 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#bar #people #museums #london #months #information #features #comparisons
The presented bar chart illustrates the number of people who
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
visited four
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
museums in
capital
Add an article
the capital
show examples
 city of England (London) during five different
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
( June, July, August, September,
December
Correct word choice
and December
show examples
) in 2015.
overall
, the number of people who visited the British
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 in August was more than the others(around 700.000).
while
 the National
museumhad
Correct your spelling
museum had
museum has
 been visited less than the others (just below 200.000).
according to
 the chart, the national
museum
's
visitors
 were less than the other museums in all of 5
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
 .
in contrast
, the
visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
museum
 where had been visited
akmost
Correct your spelling
almost
 more than the others( except
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
june
Change the capitalization
June
show examples
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the science
museum
's
visitors
 were almost 10.000
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
 more than
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
museum
). the numbers of history
museum's
Change noun form
museum
show examples
visitors
 were around 400.000 and
exaxtly
Correct your spelling
exactly
 400.000 in
june
Change the capitalization
June
show examples
 and
july
Change the capitalization
July
show examples
 respectively,
then
 it rose to 600.000 in
august
Capitalize word
August
show examples
 ( ranked second between all museums and
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
)
then
 it went down to almost 400.000 again and about 270.000 in
september
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
 and
december
Change the capitalization
December
show examples
.
Submitted by ghazal.seyedi95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, visitors with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: