IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the process by which sheep embryos are cloned.

The diagram below shows the process by which sheep embryos are cloned.
The diagram illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
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the steps involved
to clone
Change preposition
in cloning
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embryos
Correct article usage
the embryos
show examples
 of a
sheep
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, for
this
Linking Words
process
Add a comma
process,
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 three female sheeps are needed.The process begins with taking out body
Use synonyms
cell
Fix the agreement mistake
cells
show examples
 and
egg
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cell
Fix the agreement mistake
cells
show examples
 from
sheep
Use synonyms
 A and
sheep
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 respectively, and terminates by placing the embryo in
uterus
Add an article
the uterus
show examples
 of
sheep
Use synonyms
 C.
First,
Linking Words
a body
cell
Use synonyms
 is taken out from the female
sheep
Use synonyms
 A and an
egg
Use synonyms
 is taken from the female
sheep
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the genetic material which is DNA , and the nucleus are extracted from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sheep
Use synonyms
 A and
sheep
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 , respectively.
Then
Linking Words
, the removed DNA and the
egg
Use synonyms
cell
Use synonyms
 without
nucleus
Correct article usage
a nucleus
show examples
 from the
sheep
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 are fused together.
As a result
Linking Words
 , DNA from
sheep
Use synonyms
 A enters within the
egg
Use synonyms
cell
Use synonyms
 of
sheep
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. In the subsequent step, the fused
cell
Use synonyms
 grows into an embryo.
This
Linking Words
 embryo is
further
Linking Words
 inserted into the womb of
foster
Add an article
the foster
a foster
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 mother which is
sheep
Use synonyms
 C.
Finally
Linking Words
, the foster mother gives birth to a lamb, which is the exact copy of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sheep
Use synonyms
 A.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sheep, cell, egg, b with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • donor cell
  • egg cell
  • enucleation
  • fusion
  • electric pulse
  • developing embryo
  • surrogate mother
  • cloning
  • genetic material
  • replication
  • implantation
  • cell division
  • somatic cell nuclear transfer
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