A person's worth seems to be judge by appearance and social status more than traditional values of kindness, trust and honour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Over recent decades, many people have been trying to
having
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have

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a large amount of money and they
judge
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are judged

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by others only
regard to
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regarding

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their
invests
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investments

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, not their
personality
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. I
am agreed
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agree

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strongly with
this
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statement and I will explain
in
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it in

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this
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essay. First of all, society always
want
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wants

The plural verb want does not appear to agree with the singular subject society. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to be precise
of
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about

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your worth and they find it
interest
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interesting

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to speak about your appearance and start to talk after you.
For example
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, when they go to
the
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apply

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parties, they search
along
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alongside

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the guests in order to
seeing
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see

It appears that the verb seeing should be in the base form as part of the to-infinitive following in order. Consider changing the verb form.

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the
cloths
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clothes

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,
acssesories
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accessories

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, cars, and other things like that,
instead
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of greeting
with
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apply

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everyone without noticing about their investments. It
is no
Verb problem
does not

There may be a verb use issue here.

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matter in real life, they will have some features like
trustworthy
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trustworthiness

The word trustworthy doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, loving, and sharing.
Secondly
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, at the same time, they gather together
for talking
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to talk

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about
your
Correct pronoun usage
their

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studies,
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income

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, and home. Not only are rich families
in
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at

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the centre of attention, but
also
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they
respect
Wrong verb form
respected

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by others. There are some exceptions in every
nations
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nation

The singular quantifier every is followed by the plural noun nations. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

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.
For instance
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, in my country, one of the celebrities who his name is Ali Daie, and is really renowned because of his
personality
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

his investment. If we focus on some traditional
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities

It seems that personality may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, we will witness advancements in the world.
Finally
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I should say that
inthe
Correct your spelling
in the

If you don’t want inthe to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

first step I am interested in having
relationship
Add an article
a relationship

The noun phrase relationship seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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with ones that everything is important for them. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

personality
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is more important than worth, unfortunately, these days
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

subject does not
to
Add a missing verb
have to

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be
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrated

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb concentrate. Consider changing it.

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.
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on.

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The best features
in
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of

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moral feeling,which play a vital role, should
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb consider. Consider changing it.

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by everyone.

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the coherence by connecting ideas more logically and clearly. Use linking words and phrases effectively to make your argument flow better.
task achievement
Develop your main points more comprehensively. Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
general
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that can be improved to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame the argument.
task achievement
You have expressed your agreement with the statement and attempted to support your stance with reasons and examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • appearances
  • social status
  • traditional values
  • kindness
  • trust
  • honour
  • media influence
  • social media
  • corporate culture
  • professional life
  • ethical behaviour
  • integrity
  • mental health issues
  • meaningful relationships
  • genuine human connection
  • counterargument
  • perceptions
  • societal values
  • prioritizing
  • negative consequences
  • shift in values
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