A person's worth seems to be judge by appearance and social status more than traditional values of kindness, trust and honour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Over recent decades, many people have been trying to
having
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have
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a large amount of money and they
judge
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are judged
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by others only
regard to
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regarding
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their
invests
Replace the word
investments
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, not their
personality
. I
am agreed
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agree
show examples
strongly with
this
statement and I will explain
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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this
essay. First of all, society always
want
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wants
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to be precise
of
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about
show examples
your worth and they find it
interest
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interesting
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to speak about your appearance and start to talk after you.
For example
, when they go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parties, they search
along
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alongside
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the guests in order to
seeing
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see
show examples
the
cloths
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clothes
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,
acssesories
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accessories
, cars, and other things like that,
instead
of greeting
with
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apply
show examples
everyone without noticing about their investments. It
is no
Verb problem
does not
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matter in real life, they will have some features like
trustworthy
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trustworthiness
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, loving, and sharing.
Secondly
, at the same time, they gather together
for talking
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to talk
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about
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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studies,
incomes
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income
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, and home. Not only are rich families
in
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at
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the centre of attention, but
also
they
respect
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respected
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by others. There are some exceptions in every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
.
For instance
, in my country, one of the celebrities who his name is Ali Daie, and is really renowned because of his
personality
,
besides
his investment. If we focus on some traditional
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
, we will witness advancements in the world.
Finally
, I should say that
inthe
Correct your spelling
in the
first step I am interested in having
relationship
Add an article
a relationship
show examples
with ones that everything is important for them. In conclusion,
although
personality
is more important than worth, unfortunately, these days
this
subject does not
to
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have to
show examples
be
concentrate
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concentrated
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.
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on.
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The best features
in
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of
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moral feeling,which play a vital role, should
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
show examples
by everyone.
Submitted by s_karimi2002 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the coherence by connecting ideas more logically and clearly. Use linking words and phrases effectively to make your argument flow better.
task achievement
Develop your main points more comprehensively. Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
general
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that can be improved to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame the argument.
task achievement
You have expressed your agreement with the statement and attempted to support your stance with reasons and examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • appearances
  • social status
  • traditional values
  • kindness
  • trust
  • honour
  • media influence
  • social media
  • corporate culture
  • professional life
  • ethical behaviour
  • integrity
  • mental health issues
  • meaningful relationships
  • genuine human connection
  • counterargument
  • perceptions
  • societal values
  • prioritizing
  • negative consequences
  • shift in values
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