A person's worth seems to be judge by appearance and social status more than traditional values of kindness, trust and honour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Over recent decades, many people have been trying to
having
a large amount of money and they Change the verb
have
judge
by others only Wrong verb form
are judged
regard to
their Wrong verb form
regarding
invests
, not their Replace the word
investments
personality
. I am agreed
strongly with Wrong verb form
agree
this
statement and I will explain in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
this
essay.
First of all, society always want
to be precise Change the verb form
wants
of
your worth and they find it Change preposition
about
interest
to speak about your appearance and start to talk after you. Wrong verb form
interesting
For example
, when they go to the
parties, they search Correct article usage
apply
along
the guests in order to Change preposition
alongside
seeing
the Change the verb
see
cloths
, Correct your spelling
clothes
acssesories
, cars, and other things like that, Correct your spelling
accessories
instead
of greeting with
everyone without noticing about their investments. It Change preposition
apply
is no
matter in real life, they will have some features like Verb problem
does not
trustworthy
, loving, and sharing.
Replace the word
trustworthiness
Secondly
, at the same time, they gather together for talking
about Change preposition
to talk
your
studies, Correct pronoun usage
their
incomes
, and home. Not only are rich families Fix the agreement mistake
income
in
the centre of attention, but Change preposition
at
also
they respect
by others. There are some exceptions in every Wrong verb form
respected
nations
. Change to a singular noun
nation
For instance
, in my country, one of the celebrities who his name is Ali Daie, and is really renowned because of his personality
, besides
his investment. If we focus on some traditional personality
, we will witness advancements in the world. Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
Finally
, I should say that inthe
first step I am interested in having Correct your spelling
in the
relationship
with ones that everything is important for them.
In conclusion, Add an article
a relationship
although
personality
is more important than worth, unfortunately, these days this
subject does not to
be Add a missing verb
have to
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrated
.
The best features Change preposition
on.
in
moral feeling,which play a vital role, should Change preposition
of
consider
by everyone.Wrong verb form
be considered
Submitted by s_karimi2002 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the coherence by connecting ideas more logically and clearly. Use linking words and phrases effectively to make your argument flow better.
task achievement
Develop your main points more comprehensively. Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
general
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that can be improved to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame the argument.
task achievement
You have expressed your agreement with the statement and attempted to support your stance with reasons and examples.