IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A person's worth seems to be judge by appearance and social status more than traditional values of kindness, trust and honour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Over recent decades, many people have been trying to
having
Change the verb
have
show examples
 a large amount of money and they
judge
Wrong verb form
are judged
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 by others only
regard to
Wrong verb form
regarding
show examples
 their
invests
Replace the word
investments
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, not their
personality
Use synonyms
. I
am agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 strongly with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I will explain
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay. First of all, society always
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to be precise
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 your worth and they find it
interest
Wrong verb form
interesting
show examples
 to speak about your appearance and start to talk after you.
For example
Linking Words
, when they go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parties, they search
along
Change preposition
alongside
show examples
 the guests in order to
seeing
Change the verb
see
show examples
 the
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
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,
acssesories
Correct your spelling
accessories
, cars, and other things like that,
instead
Linking Words
 of greeting
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everyone without noticing about their investments. It
is no
Verb problem
does not
show examples
 matter in real life, they will have some features like
trustworthy
Replace the word
trustworthiness
show examples
, loving, and sharing.
Secondly
Linking Words
, at the same time, they gather together
for talking
Change preposition
to talk
show examples
 about
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 studies,
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
, and home. Not only are rich families
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the centre of attention, but
also
Linking Words
 they
respect
Wrong verb form
respected
show examples
 by others. There are some exceptions in every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my country, one of the celebrities who his name is Ali Daie, and is really renowned because of his
personality
Use synonyms
,
besides
Linking Words
 his investment. If we focus on some traditional
Use synonyms
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
, we will witness advancements in the world.
Finally
Linking Words
, I should say that
inthe
Correct your spelling
in the
 first step I am interested in having
relationship
Add an article
a relationship
show examples
 with ones that everything is important for them. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
personality
Use synonyms
 is more important than worth, unfortunately, these days
this
Linking Words
 subject does not
to
Add a missing verb
have to
show examples
 be
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrated
show examples
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
 The best features
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 moral feeling,which play a vital role, should
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
show examples
 by everyone.

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the coherence by connecting ideas more logically and clearly. Use linking words and phrases effectively to make your argument flow better.
task achievement
Develop your main points more comprehensively. Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
general
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that can be improved to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame the argument.
task achievement
You have expressed your agreement with the statement and attempted to support your stance with reasons and examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • appearances
  • social status
  • traditional values
  • kindness
  • trust
  • honour
  • media influence
  • social media
  • corporate culture
  • professional life
  • ethical behaviour
  • integrity
  • mental health issues
  • meaningful relationships
  • genuine human connection
  • counterargument
  • perceptions
  • societal values
  • prioritizing
  • negative consequences
  • shift in values
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