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Writing Samples /
Band 5

University education should be free for everyone, regardless of income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #education #income
Some people believe that everyone should have free access to tertiary
education
, irrespective of their income. I strongly disagree with
this
 opinion.
This
 essay will
firstly
 discuss without payment for higher
education
 can create burdens for
government
 finance and
second,
it might lower
students
’ motivation. The first reason why I do not agree with the point is that
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 paying tuition can affect
government
 expenditure.
Government
 has to cover the costs
such
 as teachers,
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
, textbooks or activities of
students
.
Therefore
, allocating a huge amount of budget to university
education
 leads leaders to have to cut down some sectors of the country or even borrow money from foreign countries. No matter which option the
government
 choose
this
 might have bad consequences for the economy or
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of the country. Another reason is that free access to
further
education
 can lower
students
’ motivation. One of the main
motivation
Fix the agreement mistake
motivations
show examples
 of
students
 because of their parents. A good example of
this
 is parents have to work hard, sometimes they spend several months of their salary for their kids just 1 term.
That is
 why
students
 will try their best to make their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 proud. It is
also
students
Correct pronoun usage
who sometiomes
show examples
sometiomes
Correct your spelling
sometimes
 need to loan debt,
therefore
 they work around the clock in their studying to achieve the best results and
then
 get well-paid
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and pay off debt. In conclusion, I totally disagree with
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 opinion that everyone has free access to higher
education
, irrespective of income
levels
Fix the agreement mistake
level
show examples
.
Thus
,
students
 or their families should have
Correct article usage
the responsibilities
show examples
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 to contribute to their studying and their future.
Submitted by duyuyen18 on

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task achievement
The essay responds to the prompt effectively and presents clear ideas, but some points need more elaboration. For instance, mentioning specific sectors or examples can help make the argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Although ideas are presented logically, linking them more clearly can improve the overall cohesion. Utilizing more linking words and phrases can make your arguments flow better.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a well-structured conclusion which summarize your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You addressed the task appropriately and provided relevant reasons, supporting your arguments with examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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