IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Others think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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It is widely argued that to sell
products
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, tools and various things, people should be influenced by advertisements which is hugely beneficial.
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While others
Correct word choice
Others
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 say that
this
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 method
is
Verb problem
has
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 become out of fashion and don’t give that much attention to it. In my view, I firmly believe that the former view is much more significant
that
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than
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 the latter.
To begin
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 with, proponents believe that
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advertisement
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advertisements
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 become a normal thing, so that’s why they no longer give much preference.
This
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 is because
individuals
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 have
the
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apply
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access to the internet which
give
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gives
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 them an opportunity to scroll through various
products
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 and tools that they believe
important
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are important
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 to them. In order to run ads on TV or
at
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apply
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the
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apply
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billboards, will not assist
the
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apply
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retailers
to attract
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in attracting
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much
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a much
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 larger audience.
Additionally
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, There are numerous fraud cases registered,
For instance
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, in the state of India, where
individuals
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 get
scam
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scams
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 after they purchase
products
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 false visualization and aesthetic images as these pictures are shown to people in order to deceive them.
Thus
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, citizens become aware of its impact and no longer give
much
Correct pronoun usage
it much
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 importance.
On the other hand
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, persuading
individuals
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 through
advertisement
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 can be really successful for business
individuals
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 and social
median
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media
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influencer
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influencers
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. A key point to notice is that some
co-operation
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corporations
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 know already if they grab the public attention, they will
profits
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profit
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 by selling their courses, artwork, and cosmetic
products
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.
This
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 is
due to
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maintain
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maintaining
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stable
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a stable
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 position in the market and
make
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making
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 sure they are one step ahead
from
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of
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 their fierce rivals. To illustrate, owing to
huge
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a huge
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 following, some media
influencer
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influencers
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charged
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charge
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 a large some of money when doing
brands
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brand
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 deals, which
boost
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boosts
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 brand
products
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 that benefit the firms in the long run.
Hence
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,
advertisement
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 plays
decisive
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a decisive
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 role in manipulating
audience
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the audience
an audience
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To conclude
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, even though some opine that
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advertisement
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advertisements
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becomes
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have become
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 a normal thing which
hold
Change the verb form
holds
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 no significant value, I believe that
Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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 play a key role in
business
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the business
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 field for many influencers and owners which can only be possible if people have
an
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apply
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access to the internet.

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task response
While the essay covers both views, it could benefit from clearer and more comprehensive ideas. The arguments are somewhat vague and need further development.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point. The essay at times lacks a logical flow, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
task response
The essay needs more relevant and specific examples to support the main points effectively. Providing concrete evidence will strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The transition between paragraphs needs improvement. Use linking words and phrases to create a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and they frame the essay well.
task response
The essay attempts to discuss both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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