Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Others think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is widely argued that to sell
products
, tools and various things, people should be influenced by advertisements which is hugely beneficial.
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
say that
this
method
is
Verb problem
has
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become out of fashion and don’t give that much attention to it. In my view, I firmly believe that the former view is much more significant
that
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than
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the latter.
To begin
with, proponents believe that
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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become a normal thing, so that’s why they no longer give much preference.
This
is because
individuals
have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to the internet which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
them an opportunity to scroll through various
products
and tools that they believe
important
Add a missing verb
are important
show examples
to them. In order to run ads on TV or
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
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apply
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billboards, will not assist
the
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apply
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retailers
to attract
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in attracting
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much
Add an article
a much
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larger audience.
Additionally
, There are numerous fraud cases registered,
For instance
, in the state of India, where
individuals
get
scam
Fix the agreement mistake
scams
show examples
after they purchase
products
.
This
is
due to
false visualization and aesthetic images as these pictures are shown to people in order to deceive them.
Thus
, citizens become aware of its impact and no longer give
much
Correct pronoun usage
it much
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importance.
On the other hand
, persuading
individuals
through
advertisement
can be really successful for business
individuals
and social
median
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media
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influencer
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influencers
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. A key point to notice is that some
co-operation
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corporations
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know already if they grab the public attention, they will
profits
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profit
show examples
by selling their courses, artwork, and cosmetic
products
.
This
is
due to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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stable
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a stable
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position in the market and
make
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making
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sure they are one step ahead
from
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of
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their fierce rivals. To illustrate, owing to
huge
Add an article
a huge
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following, some media
influencer
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influencers
show examples
charged
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charge
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a large some of money when doing
brands
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brand
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deals, which
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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brand
products
that benefit the firms in the long run.
Hence
,
advertisement
plays
decisive
Add an article
a decisive
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role in manipulating
audience
Add an article
the audience
an audience
show examples
To conclude
, even though some opine that
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
becomes
Wrong verb form
have become
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a normal thing which
hold
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holds
show examples
no significant value, I believe that
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
play a key role in
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
field for many influencers and owners which can only be possible if people have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
access to the internet.
Submitted by abdulahad08600 on

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task response
While the essay covers both views, it could benefit from clearer and more comprehensive ideas. The arguments are somewhat vague and need further development.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point. The essay at times lacks a logical flow, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
task response
The essay needs more relevant and specific examples to support the main points effectively. Providing concrete evidence will strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The transition between paragraphs needs improvement. Use linking words and phrases to create a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and they frame the essay well.
task response
The essay attempts to discuss both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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