IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You will transfer your work place to another and you should write a letter to your boss - explain why you would like to move - request your documents - explain your transfer date

#transfer #work #place #boss #move #request #documents #date
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Some individuals encourage keeping pets very well for offspring but others believe it is very harmful and unhealthy. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss two views of what a band is doing to
treasure
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. On the one hand, nowadays more and more offspring want to keep domestic
animals
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.
Such
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 as
dogs
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, cats, fish or other
animals
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 which is why domestic
animals
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 never bore them. Keeping pets have a range of benefits.
For instance
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, whenever offspring feel alone, domestic
animals
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 always help them. Nowadays,
dogs
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 are very loyal to
people
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also
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 I have two
dogs
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 now and they are very playful and beautiful. I have been keeping them
since
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for
show examples
 two or three years.
Therefore
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, some
people
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 prefer to give
treasure
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 to their offspring. The other side of the view is about keeping lovers unhealthy and dangerous. Domestic
animals
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 are
also
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 harmful things.
Such
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 as, nowadays more and more children go to hospital for their health.
Dogs
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 and other
animals
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 bite children.
Therefore
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, more and more
people
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 do not buy
treasure
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 for their offspring.
For example
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, I always see a range of raging
dogs
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 on the streets. More and more offspring health-damaging in China now. It has been increasing for one or three decades. Special workers are catching them now and special workers sometimes kill them or put them in a cell. In conclusion, In my opinion, keeping
treasure
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 is very useful.
People
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 have to inject domestic
animals
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. If they are already rejected, they never bite offspring.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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structure
Consider adding a proper introduction and conclusion to clearly present your topic and summarize your ideas.
organization
Introduce a clear distinction between each paragraph to better organize the essay's flow.
cohesion
Ensure a logical flow from one idea to the next, using transition words to connect paragraphs smoothly.
tone
Utilize a formal tone suitable for an academic essay, avoiding casual expressions and ensuring precision in language.
response completeness
Address the essay prompt directly, ensuring that each part of the task is covered comprehensively.
balanced argument
Engaged with both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
example usage
Provided examples to support arguments, enhancing the essay's persuasive quality.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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