Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel. Do you agree or disagree with this statement？
These days, pupils who graduate from college have various plans from
time
Correct article usage
the time
which
they have Correct pronoun usage
apply
it
until university , so a group of their design working, Correct pronoun usage
apply
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
ones
choose to travel to other areas or countries; Correct pronoun usage
apply
however
, some people believe it is important that they working
Wrong verb form
work
instead
of travelling owing to the fact that they obtain a lot of experience that helps them in adult life. In my opinion, working is a good thing and is the best thing for people who have money problems, but others can improve their knowledge about the world by travelling.
On the one hand, teenagers
who cannot obtain fun from various organizations and whose families cannot pay their money, the best selection is working because they have income; Change preposition
for teenagers
moreover
, they can save it and working is the best thing in their resume for getting other job opportunities. In addition
, they can learn new things
that help them become better in their work. For instance
, most young generations who live in poor zones or countries which are not developing countries have work after school inasmuch as they need money to follow their education.
On the other hand
, when you are from not only reach families but also
aid you to enhance, you can travel after leaving school also
, travel has several merits for young people. Firstly
, you can experience new cultures, foods, and other things
which are origin from one region. Secondly
, you can see special natures such
as Niagara waterfall, Sahra desert, and other where. Thirdly
, having a trip is the best thing for relaxation before starting new academic positions. On the other worlds, journeys climb our level of knowledge and provide a nice chance to relax and begin new things
for the better.
To sum up
, both working and travelling good things
; nevertheless
, I advise that if students have a situation travelling is the best item than working.Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve your score, you should focus on organizing your ideas more clearly. Use paragraphs effectively to separate your supporting points and make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea. This will help in achieving better logical flow and structure.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your main points with more relevant and specific examples. This will make your arguments more convincing and nuanced.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity of your sentences. Some sentences are confusing or awkwardly phrased. Simplify your language to convey your ideas more clearly and effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both working and travelling after school, providing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is present and summarizes your stance, which is important for overall coherence.
task achievement
You have included some relevant examples, which aids in supporting your points.