IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
Most of the offenders commit more
crimes
 after their first period of being arrested.
This
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
easy
 will explain the causes of
this
 situation and show some ways how to take measures to address it. First and foremost, some people
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
crimes
 broadly after passing the first phase of jail.Because of
they
Correct pronoun usage
this they
show examples
 do not get any suitable job to
eran
Correct your spelling
earn
 their daily expenses.Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies
Change noun form
company's
companies'
show examples
 employers
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not keen to hire people who have criminal records as they
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that, their
companies
Change noun form
company's
companies'
show examples
reputation
Fix the agreement mistake
reputations
show examples
 will
ruin
Wrong verb form
be ruined
show examples
 by the offenders.
For instance
,
according to
BBC
Correct article usage
a BBC
show examples
 report, 65
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
convicts
Change preposition
of convicts
show examples
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
crimes
 more often without thinking
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
consequenses
Correct your spelling
consequences
to support
Change preposition
of supporting
show examples
 their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
echnomically
Correct your spelling
economically
.
Therefore
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals put hands with other friends and commit
crimes
 like - pickpocketing,robbing,murder,
join with
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
 terrorist communities so on. These
crimes
 become their only way to meet
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
families
Change noun form
family's
families'
show examples
 basic necessities. There are several options to take
this
 issue
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
consederation
Correct your spelling
consideration
.
Firstly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can job facilities for offenders.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 imprisoners can retain themselves from every kind of
offends
Replace the word
offence
show examples
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they would be able to manage their
livelyhood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
 by working hard.
Moreover
,
government
high ranked
Add a hyphen
high-ranked
show examples
official
Fix the agreement mistake
officials
show examples
 can take responsibility
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
rehabiliation
Correct your spelling
rehabilitation
.
Aditionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
while
 staying in jail they can teach criminals some life skills like- knitting,sewing,cutting, crafting and so on.
Finally
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can assist them with funds to create
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
financial stability .
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
money
Add a comma
money,
show examples
 they can be
abled
Replace the word
able
show examples
 to establish their own business.As an example, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 ,most of the jails have teachers to teach criminals valuable
reskills
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
 to make
competent
Correct pronoun usage
them competent
show examples
 for their upcoming days of life. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,the
government
 should take steps to solve
this
 serious issue by implementing rules and regulations.They should create job opportunities,giving money for
start up
Add a hyphen
start-up
show examples
 trade for
law breakers
Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
show examples
.If they can reform these solutions to solve
this
 problem, crime figures will be able to live their new life
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more
enthuisticly
Correct your spelling
enthusiastically
.
Submitted by tasnimsanzida97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammatical accuracy
Make sure to carefully proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and improve the clarity of your writing. Small mistakes can add up and make your essay difficult to read.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing more specific and varied examples and evidence. This will make your points more compelling and convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have introduced the essay topic clearly and provided a logical structure in your writing.
task achievement
The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points and provides a final perspective on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: