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Band 6.5

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents' home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?

In today's time, mostly teenagers are leaving their parent's
house
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 after completing their high school in most of the countries. They starting living in their own
house
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 or sharing an accommodation with their
friends
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.
This
Linking Words
 trend have more positive impacts than negative ones that will discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. One of the main benefits for youngsters who are leaving their parents's
house
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 is that they will become independent.
While
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 living alone without their parents, they will not only learn how to manage their all expenses, but
also
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 they have to do all household chores,
such
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 as: Grocery and preparing meals. In
this
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 way, they will learn the things in a proper way by themselves. Another advantage is the social development, as when teenagers start sharing houses with their
friends
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. They will learn how to behave well around their
friends
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, and they will
also
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 learn basic etiquitees
for instance
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: respecting behaviour, sharing of things, and how to help a person in needs.
Thus
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, above mentioned factors shows the positive impact of the living with
friends
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.
However
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, leaving guardian's
house
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also
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 lead to negative development, since adolescents sometimes falls into the bad companies,
while
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 staying with their
friends
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,
for example
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: robbery and drinking.
In addition
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 to it, living away from the families
also
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 become the reason of homesicness for some children.
Hence
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, these are some reasons that shows worse influence on the youngsters. In conclusion,
although
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 there are more advantages of staying away from families after completing their education in terms of children as they become more independent and raising the social habits, its negative impacts cannot be neglected.

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grammar
Fix grammar and spelling so the meaning is clear.
coherence
Use more joining words to show how ideas link to each other.
content
Give more real examples to back up each point.
structure
Add a short ending that restates your view.
content
The essay shows a clear view and deals with both sides.
content
It gives a good idea about how living away can help for independence.
Your opinion

Donโ€™t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Donโ€™t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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