Nowadays technology in increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras) .in many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
It is believed that the technology has become a main part of our lives.
in other words
, the gradually
updates of development Change the adverb
gradual
has
discovered by Wrong verb form
have been
the
Correct article usage
apply
scientist
in the modern days. Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
However
, the service works harmfully on the people
live
within monitoring the Wrong verb form
living
persons
movement and daily life requirements. In Change to a genitive case
person's
persons'
this
essay, I will explain the merits and demerits in my view.
First and foremost, the effect of digital life on human being life has become an essential habit. I mean the whole world nowadays Correct subject-verb agreement
works
work
smartly by using electrical devices Correct subject-verb agreement
works
such
as smartphones. they recorded all the information
and data on it. for instance
, the activities, body information
, photos, and memories. Thus
, the cellphone has access to all this
information
.
On the other hand
, the privacy of this
information
is unknown and the inventors can access all data. People
don’t know the risk In addition
to how smartphones have access to a person’s voice and location it leads to knowing what people
think and suggests a lot of ideas about it. For example
, a lot of time I was thinking about topic
evenAdd an article
the topic
a topic
I
Rephrase
when I
open
Wrong verb form
opened
the
phone I saw Change the word
my
the
advertisement about Correct article usage
an
same
Correct article usage
the same
topics
. Fix the agreement mistake
topic
Consequently
, the security and privacy are zero. So I thought the demerits of the technology surpassed the merits due to
the lack of privacy. I thought that the smartphone would be a massive threat to human lives.
To sum up
, People
should adapt with
technology but, should be careful how they use it and try to turn off a lot of specifications. eventually, I shed light on the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones in my knowledge.Change preposition
to
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task achievement
Ensure to fully address all parts of the question. While you did discuss both the merits and demerits of technology, there is a need for more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by organizing your points more effectively. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will help enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed explanations for your points. For instance, explain how and why technology's access to personal data poses a significant threat to privacy. This will make your argument stronger and clearer.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in giving your essay a complete structure.
clear comprehensive ideas
The idea that cellphones record various pieces of personal information is a relevant point to discuss in the context of privacy concerns. This shows a good understanding of the topic.