Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe/regard it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Nowadays, the advancement of
technology
is regarded can be
increasing Wrong verb form
as
crime
by some people
. Whereas
, in my point of view the
Correct article usage
apply
crime
can reduce
through Wrong verb form
be reduced
technology
.
First and foremost, everyone can feel crime
wherever and whenever because many people
can not know the circumstance
in some areas. Some causes, Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
crime
can occurr
Correct your spelling
occur
unpredictable
moments, it can Change preposition
in unpredictable
be happens
in private and public areas. There is Change the verb form
happen
crime
that common in my country like Add an article
a crime
killed
, usually it Add a missing verb
being killed
be occurred
because Wrong verb form
occurs
family
conflicts. In the past time, some Change preposition
of family
crime
causes were very difficult to solve due to
nothing documentary as a
proof. Fortunately, Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
can develop and faster solving
Wrong verb form
solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
problem
particularly Fix the agreement mistake
problems
while
social media. Change preposition
with
For instance
, if someone feel
criminal activities, they can show Change the verb form
feels
on
Instagram, Tiktok or others. Correct pronoun usage
it on
Thus
, the cause can accepted
by police, government and society are faster rather than without Change the verb form
be accepted
technology
.
On the other hand
, some people
believe the
Correct your spelling
that
technology
can be climbing
Wrong verb form
increase
crime
in society due to
the
personal identity Correct article usage
apply
not
safety. Add the comma(s)
, not
For example
, every registered
something, many times many Wrong verb form
register
people
should apply
their identity card, Add the preposition
apply for
while
the government will not maintain the personal data of citizens well. Following that, several criminal are happened still Correct word choice
but
according to
personal information such
as to register
online legal site and something like that. Change the verb form
registering
As a result
, many people
felt their data have
not safe Verb problem
were
due to
it affected by technology
.
In summary, I believe criminal activities can be declining
Wrong verb form
declined
by
Change preposition
through
technology
while
the government should collaborate with Correct word choice
and
Add an article
an expert
expert
person who has knowledge about Fix the agreement mistake
experts
technology
. Although
, many people
view their personal data are not safety
because other Replace the word
safe
people
can search through technology
easily.Submitted by writingbersama on
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task response
Ensure your thesis statement clearly states your position in the introduction. For example: 'Some people believe that technological advancements increase crime, while others think they help in reducing it. In my opinion, technology helps to decrease crime.'
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas within and between paragraphs. Using transition words can help create a smooth flow of thoughts. For example: 'Furthermore,' 'On one hand,' and 'On the other hand.'
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors. Focus on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. Consider: 'First and foremost, crime can happen anywhere and at any time because many people are unaware of certain circumstances.'
task response
Your essay addresses both viewpoints, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
task response
You have provided relevant examples to support your main points, which adds strength to your arguments.