Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe/regard it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Nowadays, the advancement of
technology
is regarded Use synonyms
can be
increasing Wrong verb form
as
crime
by some Use synonyms
people
. Use synonyms
Whereas
, in my point of view Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
crime
can Use synonyms
reduce
through Wrong verb form
be reduced
technology
.
First and foremost, everyone can feel Use synonyms
crime
wherever and whenever because many Use synonyms
people
can not know the Use synonyms
circumstance
in some areas. Some causes, Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
crime
can Use synonyms
occurr
Correct your spelling
occur
unpredictable
moments, it can Change preposition
in unpredictable
be happens
in private and public areas. There is Change the verb form
happen
Use synonyms
crime
that common in my country like Add an article
a crime
killed
, usually it Add a missing verb
being killed
be occurred
because Wrong verb form
occurs
family
conflicts. In the past time, some Change preposition
of family
crime
causes were very difficult to solve Use synonyms
due to
nothing documentary as Linking Words
a
proof. Fortunately, Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
can develop and Use synonyms
faster solving
Wrong verb form
solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
problem
particularly Fix the agreement mistake
problems
Linking Words
while
social media. Change preposition
with
For instance
, if someone Linking Words
feel
criminal activities, they can show Change the verb form
feels
on
Instagram, Tiktok or others. Correct pronoun usage
it on
Thus
, the cause can Linking Words
accepted
by police, government and society are faster rather than without Change the verb form
be accepted
technology
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, some Linking Words
people
believe Use synonyms
the
Correct your spelling
that
technology
can Use synonyms
be climbing
Wrong verb form
increase
crime
in society Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
the
personal identity Correct article usage
apply
not
safety. Add the comma(s)
, not
For example
, every Linking Words
registered
something, many times many Wrong verb form
register
people
should Use synonyms
apply
their identity card, Add the preposition
apply for
Linking Words
while
the government will not maintain the personal data of citizens well. Following that, several criminal are happened still Correct word choice
but
according to
personal information Linking Words
such
as Linking Words
to register
online legal site and something like that. Change the verb form
registering
As a result
, many Linking Words
people
felt their data Use synonyms
have
not safe Verb problem
were
due to
it affected by Linking Words
technology
.
In summary, I believe criminal activities can be Use synonyms
declining
Wrong verb form
declined
by
Change preposition
through
technology
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
the government should collaborate with Correct word choice
and
Add an article
an expert
expert
person who has knowledge about Fix the agreement mistake
experts
technology
. Use synonyms
Although
, many Linking Words
people
view their personal data are not Use synonyms
safety
because other Replace the word
safe
people
can search through Use synonyms
technology
easily.Use synonyms
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task response
Ensure your thesis statement clearly states your position in the introduction. For example: 'Some people believe that technological advancements increase crime, while others think they help in reducing it. In my opinion, technology helps to decrease crime.'
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas within and between paragraphs. Using transition words can help create a smooth flow of thoughts. For example: 'Furthermore,' 'On one hand,' and 'On the other hand.'
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors. Focus on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. Consider: 'First and foremost, crime can happen anywhere and at any time because many people are unaware of certain circumstances.'
task response
Your essay addresses both viewpoints, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
task response
You have provided relevant examples to support your main points, which adds strength to your arguments.