The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period

The line chart compares the number of

people

engaging

differ

Replace the word

in different

show examples

activities at a specific social

center

Change the spelling

centre

show examples

capital

Add an article

the capital

show examples

of Australia Melbourne from 2000 to 2020.

Overall

, the most popular activity was

film

Correct article usage

the film

show examples

club over the shown period.

Change the article

show examples

increasing trend can be seen in table tennis.

However

, amateur dramatics experienced

Change the article

show examples

obvious drop. In 2000, around 63

people

joined FilmClub, which was far more than the other categories. It fluctuated over the

followed

Replace the word

following

show examples

20 years.

Whereas

participants

was

Change the verb form

were

show examples

keeping around 60 to 66 and always the number one over the period. As for martial arts, ranked second in 2000 with 36

participants

then

slightly declined in 2005 and kept slightly fluctuating until 2020. Remained the same

people

as at

beginning

Add an article

the beginning

show examples

Additionally

, no one attended the music show performance in 2000.

However

, since 2005, it dramatically increased

Change preposition

by 11

show examples

people

in 2010 and kept rising trend to

near

Change the word

nearly

show examples

participants

in 2020. It is noticeable that amateur dramatics was higher than table tennis by 10

participants

However

, after slightly

increased

Wrong verb form

increasing

show examples

, atomic dramatics rapidly decreased over 15 years to its lowest point, less than 10

participants

. Interestingly, table tennis dramatically increased to its summit

about

Change preposition

by about

show examples

participants

from 2010 to 2020.

Submitted by duzirong on Thu Aug 08 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words people, participants with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

198 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

participants
social centre
comparison
trends
consistently popular
gained popularity
lost popularity
community interest
availability of facilities
social factors
economic factors
external events
economic downturns
health crises
demographic changes
aging population
marketing
community outreach programs
participation rates
Melbourne

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The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that the prevention of health problems is more important than the treatment of illness and disease and that Government funding should reflect this.What is your opinion?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should not make their social or political views known to students in the classroom. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.