IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful in persuading us to buy things. Other people believe that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There are opposing views regarding the outreach and determining influence of modern advertising methods. Many believe that they are a huge success
is
Correct your spelling
in
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 shaping our purchasing behaviour,
while
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 others underestimate their impact as marginal. I am of the opinion that advertising is still of significant effect to the extent that even lack of attention does not prevent its penetration into our unconscious mind. On the one hand, the influence of adverts has not diminished yet,
in
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contrast
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contrast,
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 they maintain an immense
convinsing
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convincing
 stamina. A vast number of citizens and even our
aquitances
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acquaintances
 often purchase their shopping items through TV commercials or online pop-up ads,
for example
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.
Furthermore
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, our hectic and fast-paced world results in people
to
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apply
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usually do not have sufficient time to research meticulously about their buying options, leading to the even more dominance of adverts in our
decision making
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decision-making
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 process.
Therefore
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, ads keep a tremendous level of persuading impact on our shopping
bahaviour
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behaviour
.
On the other hand
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, another important point to consider is that even if we totally neglect commercials and flyers, they still are being absorbed automatically into our
mind
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minds
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.
For instance
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, if we drive or use public transport to commute to our workplace, we would be unconsciously bombarded by a tonne of billboards on streets and buildings.
Moreover
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, once we are in a physical or online shop, we would automatically go for the appealing brands and products that are already stationed in our
brain
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brains
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.
Hence
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, suggesting not paying attention to adverts is not really a pragmatic one since it will bring about its effect no matter what. In conclusion, advertising maintains its tremendous impact, resulting
in particular
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 purchasing decisions and shopping attitudes.
In addition
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, even if we deliberately decide not to contemplate
on
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apply
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them, they will penetrate our unconscious leading to certain brands and items
appeal
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appealing
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 to us more than others.
Buttom
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Bottom
 line, it may seem that there is no escape from their determining role
on
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in
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 our generation in the
twenty first
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twenty-first
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 century.

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task achievement
There are some spelling and grammatical errors that need attention, such as 'convinsing' (convincing), 'our aquitances' (our acquaintances), and 'bahaviour' (behavior). Try to proofread carefully or use tools to check for these mistakes.
task achievement
Use more precise language and ensure all points are clearly articulated. For example, 'a tonne of billboards' could be phrased more formally as 'numerous billboards'.
task achievement
The ideas could be made more comprehensive with additional examples and explanations. Some points seem repetitive and could be expanded further or clarified.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas. Some parts of the essay feel slightly disjointed or abrupt. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and main points.
task achievement
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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