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Band 4.5

Some people think governments should spend money in looking for life on other planet, while others think that there are many unsolved problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #money #life #planet #earth
It is widely believed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments
 should spend money looking for life on other
planets
,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others argue that they should concentrate on solving
problems
 on earth and I
also
 support
this
 opinion. On the one hand, the
governments
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 money finding other
planets
 where life is available,
is
Correct pronoun usage
which is
show examples
 a good idea.
Firstly
, the population in the world is increasing rapidly, even though the policy of
governments
 is applied.
Therefore
, there will be no longer places for living
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
humans, and other creatures.
Secondly
, the pollution on earth is getting worse than ever before. In every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
 of these
problems
such
 as water pollution, air pollution, etc... haven't
given
Add a missing verb
been given
show examples
 solutions yet. In order to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to save our environment,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of campaigns
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 provided
such
 as
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 awareness of
citizne
Correct your spelling
citizen
citizens
, protecting endangered animals by opening natural
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
, etc.. But it doesn't
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 positive effects significantly.
On the other hand
, I believe that we need to have responsibilities for
this
 planet. Almost all the
problems
 the earth
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
recived
Correct your spelling
received
, are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
 come from humanity.
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
 it, more organizations and
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 are looking for eco-friendly
energiy
Correct your spelling
energy
. Renewable energy
such
 as sunlight, water,
wind
Correct word choice
and wind
show examples
 is the solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 issue.
Moreover
,
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these
problems
. To be more specific, many clips on
Tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
,
Instagram
Correct word choice
and Instagram
show examples
 are made by teenagers. These clips share about cleaning
rubish
Correct your spelling
rubbish
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their surrounding, using their own bags,
cups
Correct word choice
and cups
show examples
instead
 of plastic bottles. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, looking for
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
planets
 where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 is available, doesn't
see
Correct your spelling
seem
show examples
 a bright sight. In conclusion,
although
 many people want
governments
 to spend money looking for life on other
planets
, I believe that there still
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 chances to save our planet
also
 we need to have
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibility
 for
this
 planet.
Submitted by lyhuongclc on

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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more persuasive and show a better understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, and you have discussed both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving a complete structure to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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