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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people feel that school should teach children how to be good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What skills people need to be a good parent?

#people #school #children #parent #skills
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Education of parenting needs to take place in schools'
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
show examples
. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. The concept of responsibility and understanding should be taught in terms of
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 decent
parents
Use synonyms
. Being a nice mother and father has paramount importance for society.
This
Linking Words
 undeniable fact is often neglected by
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 system despite the fact that it is massively common. From a particular age, which is likely to be
mid 20's
Correct your spelling
mid-20s
 nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the young adults consider marriage. So, marrying is less important than maths, language or science?
Moreover
Linking Words
, today, many couples
suffers
Change the verb form
suffer
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 from not knowing the dynamics of the marriage.
This
Linking Words
 situation culminates in unpleasant outcomes,
such
Linking Words
 as divorcing and unresponsible kids. In order to tackle
this
Linking Words
critic
Replace the word
critical
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 issue, schools may begin to teach how to be good
parents
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 context, children must be taught about responsibility and understanding
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first place. These 2 elements are vital components of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy marriages. Being responsible,
for instance
Linking Words
, allows
parents
Use synonyms
 to raise
role model
Add a hyphen
role-model
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 citizens. Children who are educated and
enjoyed
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the help of their mom and dad are more likely to be calm and wise.
Also
Linking Words
, as all people make mistakes, offspring can be more happy and cheerful when their
parents
Use synonyms
 are approachable individuals. In conclusion, many argue that pupils should obtain
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
as to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 parenting. In order to sustain positive attitudes
of
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 children and marriages, liability and approachability must be taught by schools.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Task Achievement
To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on how teaching parenting responsibilities can practically be implemented in the school curriculum. This will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using linking words can help in maintaining a seamless connection.
Introduction and Conclusion
Conclusion could be strengthened by reiterating the key points discussed and summarizing how they contribute to the overall argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay starts with a clear stance on the topic, making it easy for readers to understand your position.
Task Achievement
You have identified and elaborated on important skills such as responsibility and understanding, which are crucial for good parenting.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay touches on both the necessity of teaching parenting skills and outlines some basic elements of good parenting.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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