IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

In the future, people may have to live on other planets. Some think that it is, therefore, important to spend money researching other planets, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #planets #think #money
It is predicted that other planets in space may become places to live for humanity.
For
this
 reason, most people think that more investments should be made in conducting research on planet discoveries.
Although
this
 could be a chance to extend the places for the next generation, from my standpoint, there are other spheres on Earth that need to be solved rather than creating life on Mars. On the one hand,
this
 phenomenon could be beneficial as we could obtain more spaces to live. It is undeniable that the world population is significantly growing day by day.
For instance
, during the
last
 century, the population has increased six times and reached 8 billion. It is estimated by scientists that
this
 growth is not going to stop, and by the year 2050, the number will reach 10 billion. In
this
 case, it is a good idea to create life on other planets in order to prevent overcrowding on our planet in the near future.
On the other hand
, I partially disagree with
this
 statement and think that we should emphasize more problems that have arisen on Earth prior to discovering other planets. Because these spheres
also
 need monetary backing and help to improve.
For example
, millions of people in
Africa
 are starving every day, and famine has become the main source of mortality. What if we help them
instead
 of capitalizing on Mars? The main excuse for ignoring
Africa
 is its geographic location, and because of its proximity to the equator, it is too hot to make some development.
However
, Mars is much hotter in comparison to
Africa
, but humanity is striving to spend money on Mars, leaving millions of people under tough conditions in
Africa
.
To conclude
, in spite of the territorial aspect of
this
 phenomenon, in my opinion, more attention should be paid to issues on Earth before investing in space
Submitted by abdulaziz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay presents a well-rounded perspective on the topic by examining both the argument for researching other planets and the need to address Earth's current problems. However, to reach a higher band, consider refining your argumentation. For instance, provide additional details about the potential benefits of researching other planets beyond just additional living spaces (such as technological advancements or international cooperation). Additionally, clarify your stance more explicitly in the thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is clearly structured with a strong introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph flows logically from one point to the next. Nonetheless, you can enhance cohesion by using more transitional phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, ensuring a smoother flow of information. This will improve the overall readability of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is organized very well with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The logical flow between your paragraphs is very noticeable, and your main points are supported by relevant examples, which make your essay convincing.
task response
You have presented a balanced argument by examining both sides of the issue. You supported your arguments with specific data and examples, improving the persuasiveness of your task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: