IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? – Disagree -

#people #children #tv #home #school
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Ordinary people tend to believe that watching
TV
 can give students
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and skills no matter where children are. I absolutely disagree with their idea. There are
Correct article usage
a numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of televisions little youngers can watch. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
televisions
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
concentrate on entertainment including movies, cartoons and news rather than
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 itself.
Besides
,
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 from these fractions
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 already been divided, which means it is so hard
using
Change the verb form
to use
show examples
 these sense of "skills" in daily life. meanwhile, the core of study may be providing
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 entire time for learning and building a
confortable
Correct your spelling
comfortable
 learning environment.
That is
 the reason why watching
TV
 should not be encouraged both at home and school.
in other words
, if students watch
TV
 at these
place
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places
show examples
, they do have no time to enjoy their study atmospheres. easily shifting concentration is the feature of young people. Watching
TV
 could
inevitablely
Correct your spelling
inevitably
accelrate
Correct your spelling
accelerate
accelerated
this
 trend.
Moreover
, it is hard for children to control their time
spending on
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 watching
TV
 when most of the
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 interesting and addicting. They may gradually lose their patience and the ability to concentrate. Some news and online communications may
exist
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
skills or
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
, but
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 cannot be absorbed by students.
there
Correct pronoun usage
It
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 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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common sense that people
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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TV
 for fun
instead
 of learning.
Submitted by wzw_0804 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay with clear paragraphs. Start with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs each introducing a single main point, and conclude with a summary or conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your sentences flow logically from one to the next. Use appropriate transition words and phrases to connect your ideas smoother.
task achievement
To strengthen your arguments, provide specific examples or evidence to support your points. This adds depth and credibility to your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to explain your reasoning clearly. Avoid vague statements, and provide detailed explanations of your points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and clearly disagrees with the statement.
task achievement
The essay touches on multiple relevant points such as the content of TV programs and the impact on children's attention spans.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • source of distraction
  • educational content
  • entertainment shows
  • advertisements
  • inappropriate content
  • hinders learning
  • interactive learning opportunities
  • traditional classroom settings
  • one-way medium
  • individual learning needs
  • prolonged screen time
  • negative health effects
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • lack of physical activity
  • overall development
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • interactive, hands-on activities
  • passive television watching
  • participatory forms of learning
  • group projects
  • experiments
  • real-world problem solving
  • cognitive abilities
  • social skills
What to do next:
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