IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development

The
work
Use synonyms
 is important , but some employees in some countries spend more
hours
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain the positive and negative development, and why
this
Linking Words
 happens. One the hand, in japan people in workplace they spend like 12
hours
Use synonyms
 of the day, it is clear the reason of rules
work
Use synonyms
, and it is really negative effect for people, because they will come back at home so late, because the human need take a rest and be healthy but they do not have
time
Use synonyms
 to do that because they was busy and spend more
time
Use synonyms
, that reason why the rate of death was increased.
Moreover
Linking Words
, one of the negatives is illness. It makes people sicker than healthy, because the
time
Use synonyms
 of sleeping will decrease.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most of them did not get married, they did not have like family or someone waiting for them. because the costs of marriage and living have become expensive, that's why almost them spend more
hours
Use synonyms
 in the workplace. In conclusion, I strongly agree that spending long
hours
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 has a negative effect on adults; it is not development. If they don't take enough
time
Use synonyms
 to relax and sleep, the industry will enter a severe decline , and the losses will be clear. Everyone needs more
time
Use synonyms
 in their life to relax,
also
Linking Words
 to improve their mind to become more active and more productive at
work
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 the rate of illness will be lower and depression at
work
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
 be less.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clear paragraphs for each point.
task achievement
More examples would help to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure for clarity.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion in your conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: