Many manufactured food and products contain high level of sugar, which causes several health problems. Sugary product should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is
the
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a
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fact that numerous diet-related health issues
root
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are rooted
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from
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in
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consumption
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the consumption
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of large
amount
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amounts
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of sugar. In order to deter from purchasing sugary
products
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, their
price
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prices
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need to be increased. I totally disagree with
this
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view. There are many individuals who can control eating sugar and making things pricey has never been a solution. Every
people
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is responsible
of
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for
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their
wellbeing
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well-being
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. Owing to the improvements
of
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in
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medicine and awareness, being healthy is sustainable for each individual. So,
people
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exactly know what is good for their
life
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lives
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.
Moreover
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, there have been always detrimental substances,
such
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as alcohol, tobacco and sugar.
While
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some
people
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stay away
these
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from these
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harmful
products
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, others do not.
This
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situation is directly related to
person's
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a person's
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self reponsibility
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responsibility
. A person should know how to make authority on their will. Another factor that needs to be taken into account is that increasing
prices
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the prices
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of goods has never resolved a particular problem. Especially, these problems are related to addictions. Despite prices, many
people
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buy those
products
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repeatedly.
Also
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, citizens try to find a way to obtain or
producing
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produce
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these materials with their own tactics. In Turkiye,
for instance
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, after increasing alcohol
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products price
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product prices
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dramatically,
people
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have begun to produce
home-made
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homemade
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alcoholic drinks. With
this
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development, many of
deceased
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the deceased
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due
Add a missing verb
are due
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to using
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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raw material or purchasing faulty drinks. In conclusion, since consuming high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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of sugary
products
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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people
Use synonyms
seriously ill, in order to protect citizens, these edibles should be made more expensive. I would not support
this
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statement. Because everyone is wise enough to avoid harmful habits and price increasing policy may result in unfavourable outcomes.
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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion score, work on more clearly linking your main points and using a greater variety of cohesive devices. Additionally, enhancing paragraph transitions would be beneficial.
task achievement
For a better task achievement score, aim to provide more specific examples and explore your arguments in greater depth. Address counterarguments to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay maintains a clear stance throughout, and the main points are relevant to the task.
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