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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
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The line graphs illustrate changes in ownership of electrical products and the number of hours in housework and families in a nation from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, they provided three types of appliances, which are washing
machines
Use synonyms
, refrigerators, and vacuum cleaners.
Firstly
Linking Words
, 40% of people used washing
machines
Use synonyms
 in the year 1920.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it gradually increased until 1960.
However
Linking Words
, it decreased for the next 20
years
Use synonyms
. In the
years
Use synonyms
 between 1980 to 2019, there was a dramatic increase. Refrigerators had a
dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
show examples
 increase until 1960 with 90%, and it met washing
machines
Use synonyms
 by approximately 60%,
then
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 it continuously increased until 2000. After ten
years
Use synonyms
 it was stabilized with usage by every person in the country.
Secondly
Linking Words
, first 40
years
Use synonyms
 the vacuum cleaner increased quickly around 5% to 90%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it met and overpassed both washing
machines
Use synonyms
 and fridges in 1940,
then
Linking Words
 it remained the same after the year 2000.
According to
Linking Words
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of hours of housework rapidly decreased from 1920 to 1960
then
Linking Words
 it started to decrease slowly until 2019.
This
Linking Words
 is because the appliances are highly used by people.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words machines, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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