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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.

The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.
#information #hawaiian #island #chain #centre #ocean #report #university #lecturer
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The given figure represents
the
Correct article usage
apply
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detailed information about the Hawaiian
island
Use synonyms
 chain which
present
Add a missing verb
is present
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 in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 of
Pacific
Correct article usage
the Pacific
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Ocean
Use synonyms
. Hawaiian
island
Use synonyms
 had the oldest
volcano
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 80m years, which has
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 other major islands situated nearby in and around 100kms. Every year, about 7-9 cm of shifts
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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happen in
Correct article usage
the pacific
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pacific
Capitalize word
Pacific
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 plate towards the Hawaiian
island
Use synonyms
 from one side of the
ocean
Use synonyms
, which will cause the earth to develop
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young
volcano
Use synonyms
 which is built up by numerous amounts of eruptions that
occurs
Change the verb form
occur
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. Below is the ‘Hot spot’ which remains static in nature. The eruption process
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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develops under the
ocean
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 level of 2883
kms
Correct your spelling
km
 down from the sea level where the eruption process begins and continues to create a small
volcano
Use synonyms
 over the sea by crossing the
pacific
Capitalize word
Pacific
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 plate and
creates
Wrong verb form
creating
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 a tectonic
pacific
Capitalize word
Pacific
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 plate shift. To report that every year, a small or youngest
volcano
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 have been developing under the
ocean
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 level- it can be either a
volcano
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 or
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island
Correct article usage
an island
show examples
.
Submitted by yabloothedinesh on

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words island, ocean, volcano with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • geographical position
  • Pacific Ocean
  • diagram
  • volcanic activity
  • hot spot theory
  • tectonic plate
  • stationary
  • Earth's mantle
  • sequential
  • evolution
  • active volcanism
  • erosion
  • subsidence
  • atolls
  • seamounts
  • topography
  • ecological development
  • significant
  • historical
  • cultural importance
  • ongoing natural processes
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