IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, inspite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #inspite #responsibilities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often believed that
people
Use synonyms
 feel the happiest during their youth.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 are sceptical about
this
Linking Words
 as the happiest feeling
adults
Use synonyms
 experience outweighs that of young
adults
Use synonyms
 despite their growing responsibilities. I partially support the former view, for more diverse experiences young
people
Use synonyms
 have regardless of an increasing sense of satisfaction among responsible
adults
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, the feeling of happiness among young
people
Use synonyms
 is generally higher than that of
adults
Use synonyms
 because their age does not prevent them from exploring various adventures.
In other words
Linking Words
, they are more likely to make their dreams come true even if it comes with some risks.
For instance
Linking Words
, I was satisfied the most with a boat trip around the world at the age of 20, which allowed me to encounter
people
Use synonyms
 from different nationalities from Switzerland to China in spite of a long journey which took 320 days.
This
Linking Words
 experience is still valuable to me, making me more confident and challenging than ever.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
adults
Use synonyms
 tend to feel more accomplished with their
work
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their superior
work
Use synonyms
 experiences. Even though senior jobs come with greater responsibilities, they are often more proud of their growing commitment to their
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, their special and sophisticated skills not only lead to higher productivity and education for young employees but
also
Linking Words
 substantial rewards
such
Linking Words
 as promotion and a higher salary.
Thus
Linking Words
, they are more likely to gain trust and respect from others, which young
people
Use synonyms
 cannot easily obtain. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 level of happiness among the young exceeds that of
adults
Use synonyms
 because of
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 adventurous experiences they can have without worrying about their health much.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, an increasing sense of pride and accomplishment resulting from a longer contribution to
work
Use synonyms
 is unique to
adults
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mizuho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You've effectively discussed both views and provided your own opinion, which fulfills the task requirements well. However, clarifying and expanding on the reasoning behind your personal stance can strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with well-defined paragraphs, which aids in the readability. However, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow further.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction sets up the discussion topic clearly, and your conclusion summarizes the main points succinctly.
supported main points
The examples provided are relevant and help in illustrating your points effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: