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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, inspite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is often believed that
people
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 feel the happiest during their youth.
However
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, some
people
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 are sceptical about
this
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 as the happiest feeling
adults
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 experience outweighs that of young
adults
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 despite their growing responsibilities. I partially support the former view, for more diverse experiences young
people
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 have regardless of an increasing sense of satisfaction among responsible
adults
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. On the one hand, the feeling of happiness among young
people
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 is generally higher than that of
adults
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 because their age does not prevent them from exploring various adventures.
In other words
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, they are more likely to make their dreams come true even if it comes with some risks.
For instance
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, I was satisfied the most with a boat trip around the world at the age of 20, which allowed me to encounter
people
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 from different nationalities from Switzerland to China in spite of a long journey which took 320 days.
This
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 experience is still valuable to me, making me more confident and challenging than ever.
On the other hand
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,
adults
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 tend to feel more accomplished with their
work
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due to
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 their superior
work
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 experiences. Even though senior jobs come with greater responsibilities, they are often more proud of their growing commitment to their
work
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.
Furthermore
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, their special and sophisticated skills not only lead to higher productivity and education for young employees but
also
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 substantial rewards
such
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 as promotion and a higher salary.
Thus
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, they are more likely to gain trust and respect from others, which young
people
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 cannot easily obtain. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that
a
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the
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 level of happiness among the young exceeds that of
adults
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 because of
more
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the more
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 adventurous experiences they can have without worrying about their health much.
Nevertheless
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, an increasing sense of pride and accomplishment resulting from a longer contribution to
work
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 is unique to
adults
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.

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task response
You've effectively discussed both views and provided your own opinion, which fulfills the task requirements well. However, clarifying and expanding on the reasoning behind your personal stance can strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with well-defined paragraphs, which aids in the readability. However, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow further.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction sets up the discussion topic clearly, and your conclusion summarizes the main points succinctly.
supported main points
The examples provided are relevant and help in illustrating your points effectively.
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