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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
In many countries, many parents claim that
children
 and adolescents have to try hard enough to obtain high achievements in their lives. I still believe that the advantages overcome the disadvantages of
this
 ongoing trend.
To begin
 with, one of the disadvantages of
this
 scarcity is that most
children
 try to achieve high scores in any score and they lose their childhood.
While
 encouraging
children
 to strive for high achievement can lead to impressive results, it’s important to remember that the relentless pursuit of excellence can sometimes rob them of the joys and experiences of childhood. Balancing ambition with time for play, creativity, and relaxation is crucial to ensure that
children
 grow up well-rounded and emotionally healthy.
In addition
, studying night and day can lead to stress and anxiety in our health. Encouraging
children
 to aim for high scores and constant achievement can inadvertently lead to significant stress and anxiety. The pressure to perform at their best at all times can overwhelm them, taking a toll on their mental health and depriving them of the carefree, joyful experiences that are essential to a healthy childhood.
However
,
this
 shift is not devoid of advantages. One of the benefits of it is that they build confidence in themselves as well. They try to get high scores and use their attempt to get it without any fear and stress.
Moreover
, studying may inspire ambition namely by instilling the belief that anything is possible,
children
 may set higher goals for themselves and pursue their passions with greater enthusiasm.
For example
, in Switzerland, where many governments ask for many scholars for their country and education is the most important type in any field. In conclusion,
although
 the cons of
this
 ongoing trend are tremendous, but pros of it outweigh the cons in terms of good outcomes and personal-ambitious aspects.
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

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task achievement
Your essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and you've offered a balanced perspective by presenting both advantages and disadvantages. However, your ideas could be more clearly articulated and developed. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and supports it with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit convoluted and could be simplified. Be precise and concise to enhance clarity. Transitions between ideas are generally effective, but there is room for improvement to make your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Try to provide specific and relevant examples that support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly framing your essay and summarizing your viewpoints.
task achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced perspective on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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