In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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In many countries, many parents claim that

children

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and adolescents have to try hard enough to obtain high achievements in their lives. I still believe that the advantages overcome the disadvantages of

this

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ongoing trend.

To begin

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with, one of the disadvantages of

this

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scarcity is that most

children

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try to achieve high scores in any score and they lose their childhood.

While

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encouraging

children

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to strive for high achievement can lead to impressive results, it’s important to remember that the relentless pursuit of excellence can sometimes rob them of the joys and experiences of childhood. Balancing ambition with time for play, creativity, and relaxation is crucial to ensure that

children

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grow up well-rounded and emotionally healthy.

In addition

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, studying night and day can lead to stress and anxiety in our health. Encouraging

children

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to aim for high scores and constant achievement can inadvertently lead to significant stress and anxiety. The pressure to perform at their best at all times can overwhelm them, taking a toll on their mental health and depriving them of the carefree, joyful experiences that are essential to a healthy childhood.

However

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this

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shift is not devoid of advantages. One of the benefits of it is that they build confidence in themselves as well. They try to get high scores and use their attempt to get it without any fear and stress.

Moreover

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, studying may inspire ambition namely by instilling the belief that anything is possible,

children

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may set higher goals for themselves and pursue their passions with greater enthusiasm.

For example

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, in Switzerland, where many governments ask for many scholars for their country and education is the most important type in any field. In conclusion,

although

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the cons of

this

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ongoing trend are tremendous, but pros of it outweigh the cons in terms of good outcomes and personal-ambitious aspects.

Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on Thu Aug 08 2024

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task achievement

Your essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and you've offered a balanced perspective by presenting both advantages and disadvantages. However, your ideas could be more clearly articulated and developed. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and supports it with relevant examples and explanations.

coherence cohesion

Some sentences are a bit convoluted and could be simplified. Be precise and concise to enhance clarity. Transitions between ideas are generally effective, but there is room for improvement to make your essay more cohesive.

task achievement

Try to provide specific and relevant examples that support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly framing your essay and summarizing your viewpoints.

task achievement

The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced perspective on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that the best way to reduce crimes is to apply longer prison sentences, other people think that there are better methods of doing so. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people rergad this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important learning and taking responsiblities? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some children spend hours every day on their smart phones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is the positive or negative development?

Some people think that strict punishment for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however ,believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both view ad give your own opinion.