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Band 1.5

More and more people are becoming overweight. Some people suggest that increasing the price of fattening food is a solution, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #food
I
am definitely disagree
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definitely disagree
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to
Change preposition
with
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this
suggest
Replace the word
suggestion
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. I think that
throught
Correct your spelling
thought
through
 is not sufficient. İf that increasing the price so negative
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
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 for some
low wage
Add a hyphen
low-wage
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 earners.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should research for underlying the
increased
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increase
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 overweight
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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. I guess,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 move less with developing
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
.
Moreover
, they have
home-office
Add an article
a home-office
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 style after the pandemic.
As a result
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 usually prefer comfort. My
suggest
Replace the word
suggestion
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 is more teaching
harm
Correct article usage
the harm
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 and
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 of
the
Remove the article
apply
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all food.
People
 should know
the
Correct article usage
apply
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more information
that
Change preposition
about
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topics
Correct article usage
the topics
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.
Different
Correct article usage
A different
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suggest
Replace the word
suggestion
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 is the government should encourage
over weight
Correct your spelling
overweight
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 to exercise with expert
people
. They should organise the events on the line or in the park.
Finally
, high price
politicas
Correct your spelling
politics
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
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 the solution
everyone
Change preposition
for everyone
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. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 different solution.
Submitted by emirhanozkan5757 on

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task achievement
Work on making your argument clearer. For instance, you can provide concrete examples of how educating people about healthy eating and encouraging physical activity can be effective solutions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Linking phrases such as 'in addition', 'furthermore', or 'on the other hand' can enhance the flow.
task achievement
The essay clearly states a position and offers alternative solutions to the problem.
coherence cohesion
Important points, such as the impact of increased food prices on low-wage earners and the influence of technology on lifestyle, are well-identified.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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