IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

More and more people are becoming overweight. Some people suggest that increasing the price of fattening food is a solution, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #food
I
am definitely disagree
Change the verb form
definitely disagree
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
suggest
Replace the word
suggestion
show examples
. I think that
throught
Correct your spelling
thought
through
 is not sufficient. İf that increasing the price so negative
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 for some
low wage
Add a hyphen
low-wage
show examples
 earners.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should research for underlying the
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 overweight
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. I guess,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 move less with developing
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
.
Moreover
, they have
home-office
Add an article
a home-office
show examples
 style after the pandemic.
As a result
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 usually prefer comfort. My
suggest
Replace the word
suggestion
show examples
 is more teaching
harm
Correct article usage
the harm
show examples
 and
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all food.
People
 should know
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more information
that
Change preposition
about
show examples
topics
Correct article usage
the topics
show examples
.
Different
Correct article usage
A different
show examples
suggest
Replace the word
suggestion
show examples
 is the government should encourage
over weight
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 to exercise with expert
people
. They should organise the events on the line or in the park.
Finally
, high price
politicas
Correct your spelling
politics
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 the solution
everyone
Change preposition
for everyone
show examples
. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 different solution.
Submitted by emirhanozkan5757 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on making your argument clearer. For instance, you can provide concrete examples of how educating people about healthy eating and encouraging physical activity can be effective solutions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Linking phrases such as 'in addition', 'furthermore', or 'on the other hand' can enhance the flow.
task achievement
The essay clearly states a position and offers alternative solutions to the problem.
coherence cohesion
Important points, such as the impact of increased food prices on low-wage earners and the influence of technology on lifestyle, are well-identified.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: