In some countries,secondary school aims to provide a general education across a range of subjects.In others children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career.Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?
It’s sometimes argued that
whether
teaching all-around education or focusing on Correct word choice
apply
major
Correct article usage
a major
subject
is the main mission of school
. I believe that spending much Add an article
the school
time
on a short amount of subject
is more motivated
for modern society.
There are several reasons why Replace the word
motivating
school
shouldn’t provide a conventional education. With a wide array of subjects, students might become overwhelmed by the volume Fix the agreement mistake
schools
knowledge
and Change preposition
of knowledge
the
Change the word
their
productive
could be reduced. it is hard for them to subspecialize in one Replace the word
productivity
subject
while
study
tooWrong verb form
studying
much
programs. Change the quantifier
many
This
may affect their determination for future career
and the shortage of particular techniques could be an obstacle in the job market. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Furthermore
, pupils get more stress due to
the assignments for each subject
. It is difficult for them to maintain good academic performance while
get
stuck in tremendous pressure.
Change the form of the verb
getting
On the contrary
, offering specific subjects associated with different sorts of career
is a better approach to Fix the agreement mistake
careers
enhance
unique skills and Wrong verb form
enhancing
become
the master of the Wrong verb form
becoming
subject
. These skills showcase individual’s
strengths and attributes that are relevant to the job they are seeking. It is sufficient enough to stand out Correct article usage
an individual’s
at
the labour market. Change preposition
in
Instead
of studying many programs, centering
on certain areas Change the spelling
centring
provide
an advisable workload and much more valuable study Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
time
. It can foster the
motivation and encourage self-confidence. Correct article usage
apply
Besides
the learning time
, having spare time
to relax such
as exercising and going hiking is an effective way to recover the fatigue and stay
better mental health.
In conclusion, paying more attention Verb problem
maintain
on
Change preposition
to
few
subjects is much more creative and inspiring rather than a tough and Correct article usage
a few
all rounding
education.Add a hyphen
all-rounding
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task response
Your introduction clearly states your position, but it could introduce the two views more explicitly to set up a more balanced discussion.
task response
For a higher score, provide more specific examples to support your points better. Examples add strength to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is good, but making a clearer connection between paragraphs could improve the flow. Use more transitional phrases to link ideas.
coherence and cohesion
To further enhance coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that states the main idea of the paragraph.
task response
You have a clear and consistent position throughout the essay, which is an important aspect of task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your position, reinforcing the points discussed in the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example