You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job . You think he / she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend . In your letter : • say why he/ she would not enjoy going to college • explain why getting a job is good idea for him / her • suggest types of job that would be suitable for him / her

Dear Jasmina, I hope you're doing well. I am writing to you to give some advice because I have recently received a letter from you . I think you should get a
job
. Because you would not enjoy going to
college
. You are not interested in
college
manuals and you are only interested in
an earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
money. As I personally know you , you'd not enjoy going to
college
right now because
you're
Correct your spelling
you've
show examples
always wanted to
work
and what letter time can it be to
work
than now ?
Firstly
, as I know you personally you always like to
work
and improve your career.
Movever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, going to
college
, especially,
an
Change the article
a
show examples
technology
college
, wouldn't be beneficial for you because you would only meet people who are around your age
speak
Correct word choice
and speak
show examples
the same language. I think you don't need
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
. You must be getting a
job
and I will help you. You are very interested in
earn
Change the verb form
earning
show examples
a lot of money and
also
your family
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
poor . You have to help your family. You need to find a very good
job
because nowadays there are many dangerous jobs that are dangerous for girls. You should only
work
in
restaurant
Correct article usage
a restaurant
show examples
or cafe . I believe
that is
a professional that does not pose any danger
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
girl
Add an article
a girl
the girl
show examples
. I will try
so
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
find a good and wonderful restaurant or cafe for you , you know, because I am very busy
there
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
days . I know you haven't any
work
experience but
firstly
, a good idea to find a small
job
such
as a witness and
retails
Wrong verb form
retail
show examples
kind of
job
. I hope my suggestion will help you
device
Correct your spelling
decide
show examples
what is best for you. Yours sincerely, Baxtinur Kholliyeva
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph contains a single idea. For example, separate the points about not enjoying college and why getting a job is a good idea into different paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
In terms of logical structure, consider organizing the letter so that each main point flows in a logical sequence. Start by stating your main point, then explore the reasons in detail, and finally offer suggestions.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately used, making the letter feel personal and friendly.
task achievement
You responded completely to the task, addressing why your friend might not enjoy college, why getting a job is a good idea, and suggesting suitable types of jobs.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is appropriate for a friendly piece of advice, maintaining a supportive and concerned tone throughout.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Real-world experience
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • On-the-job training
  • Student loan debt
  • Personal growth
  • Professional networking
  • Career development
  • Skilled workers
  • Job market
  • Career goals
  • Immediate income
  • Professional relationships
  • Market demand
  • Defining interests
  • Educational investments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: