Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In modern
workplaces
Add a comma
workplaces,
show examples
different people have different opinions on how they want to spend
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
.
While
some enjoy spending leisure
time
with colleagues outside
work
, others like to keep their private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
separate from
work
. In
course
Correct article usage
the course
show examples
of
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
we will discuss both the aspects and how
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
impacts
Correct subject-verb agreement
impact
show examples
work
-life balance. Those who
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
to spend
time
with colleagues outside
work
often
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
that it helps in strengthening their bond, which helps in
collaborative
Add an article
the collaborative
a collaborative
show examples
work
environment.
Additionally
, they think that socializing with peers at higher
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
even
shoots-up
Correct your spelling
increases
show examples
their chances
getting
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
visibilty
Correct your spelling
visibility
at a wider organisation level.
Morevover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, it helps in building trust and improving communication among team members, making it easier to
work
together. For many these shared experiences
also
create a sense of support, improving
overall
job satisfaction and
individuals
Change the noun form
individual
show examples
morale.
On the other hand
, people who prefer to keep their private life separate from
work
life want to maintain a boundary between the two.
Following
this
way, these people can avoid burnout and reduce stress by having dedicated
time
to relax and pursue interests. Not only
keeping
Add a missing verb
does keeping
show examples
the two separate help in avoiding
work
distractions, but
also
it can prevent conflicts and maintain professionalism amongst
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peers.
Therefore
, having personal
time
helps in improving
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
well-being of a person. In conclusion, both approaches to spending leisure
time
and balancing
work
offer distinct benefits. Spending
time
with colleagues
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
in better collaboration and
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
,
whereas
keeping both aside prevents
burnouts
Fix the agreement mistake
burnout
show examples
and
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
work
-life balance. Ultimately, the best approach depends on
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
personal choices and
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
show examples
of one's
work
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
. Finding a balance and professional goal is a key to
overall
satisfaction and productivity.
Submitted by bhutani.trisha09 on

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coherence cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized, but you could improve the logical flow by using more cohesive devices and transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, you can use phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Conversely' to make your points more connected.
task achievement
Try to incorporate specific examples to support your points more robustly. Instead of general statements, concrete situations or anecdotes can enhance the depth of your arguments.
general
A few spelling and grammatical errors were noticed (e.g., 'visibilty' should be 'visibility' and 'Morevover' should be 'Moreover'). Proofreading your essay can help eliminate these minor mistakes.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly outline your main points and wrap up the essay effectively.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view, discussing both perspectives on the topic before presenting your own opinion. This is excellent for a clear and comprehensive response.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and consistent, contributing to the overall clarity of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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