Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In modern
workplaces
different people have different opinions on how they want to spend Add a comma
workplaces,
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
time
. Use synonyms
While
some enjoy spending leisure Linking Words
time
with colleagues outside Use synonyms
work
, others like to keep their private Use synonyms
life
separate from Fix the agreement mistake
lives
work
. In Use synonyms
course
of Correct article usage
the course
this
Linking Words
essay
we will discuss both the aspects and how Add a comma
essay,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
impacts
Correct subject-verb agreement
impact
work
-life balance.
Those who Use synonyms
chose
to spend Wrong verb form
choose
time
with colleagues outside Use synonyms
work
often Use synonyms
believes
that it helps in strengthening their bond, which helps in Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
collaborative
Add an article
the collaborative
a collaborative
work
environment. Use synonyms
Additionally
, they think that socializing with peers at higher Linking Words
level
even Fix the agreement mistake
levels
shoots-up
their chances Correct your spelling
increases
getting
Change preposition
of getting
visibilty
at a wider organisation level. Correct your spelling
visibility
Morevover
, it helps in building trust and improving communication among team members, making it easier to Correct your spelling
Moreover
work
together. For many these shared experiences Use synonyms
also
create a sense of support, improving Linking Words
overall
job satisfaction and Linking Words
individuals
morale.
Change the noun form
individual
On the other hand
, people who prefer to keep their private life separate from Linking Words
work
life want to maintain a boundary between the two. Use synonyms
Following
Linking Words
this
way, these people can avoid burnout and reduce stress by having dedicated Linking Words
time
to relax and pursue interests. Not only Use synonyms
keeping
the two separate help in avoiding Add a missing verb
does keeping
work
distractions, but Use synonyms
also
it can prevent conflicts and maintain professionalism amongst Linking Words
the
peers. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, having personal Linking Words
time
helps in improving Use synonyms
Linking Words
overall
well-being of a person.
In conclusion, both approaches to spending leisure Add an article
the overall
time
and balancing Use synonyms
work
offer distinct benefits. Spending Use synonyms
time
with colleagues Use synonyms
help
in better collaboration and Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
work
, Use synonyms
whereas
keeping both aside prevents Linking Words
burnouts
and Fix the agreement mistake
burnout
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
work
-life balance. Ultimately, the best approach depends on Use synonyms
individuals
personal choices and Fix the agreement mistake
individual
nature
of one's Correct article usage
the nature
work
Use synonyms
enviornment
. Finding a balance and professional goal is a key to Correct your spelling
environment
overall
satisfaction and productivity.Linking Words
Submitted by bhutani.trisha09 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized, but you could improve the logical flow by using more cohesive devices and transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, you can use phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Conversely' to make your points more connected.
task achievement
Try to incorporate specific examples to support your points more robustly. Instead of general statements, concrete situations or anecdotes can enhance the depth of your arguments.
general
A few spelling and grammatical errors were noticed (e.g., 'visibilty' should be 'visibility' and 'Morevover' should be 'Moreover'). Proofreading your essay can help eliminate these minor mistakes.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly outline your main points and wrap up the essay effectively.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view, discussing both perspectives on the topic before presenting your own opinion. This is excellent for a clear and comprehensive response.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and consistent, contributing to the overall clarity of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.