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Band 5.5

Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people?

#people #money #government #debt #support
The issue of financial literacy is nothing we haven’t heard about before. Countless
people
 have signed their life savings away
as a result
 of not knowing any better. Issues
such
 as the 2008 financial crisis
as a result
 of poor money-handling decisions have cost the global economy trillions of US dollars. Governments should take the initiative to solve these issues for the masses. Here are a few methods I am proposing to address these issues. The first method is to create a state-sponsored financial education program and make it a requirement before giving
people
 free will over their money.
While
 it may be expensive and difficult to make it an excellent course, its promises are clear. Making it embedded into the education system
as well as
 daily life would be a sure way to prepare more
people
 for the future.
This
 next solution is almost the reverse of the previous one, which is to make fiscal matters and all of the things that come with it simpler for the general public. It would take some time but should make the fussy banking system an easier pill to swallow for most.
Although
, some systems and programs should remain as In conclusion, any of the three methods mentioned earlier should help more
people
 make better-informed financial decisions. At the very least, it would give them more options in facing the complications of the financial system.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops its main idea. Some points feel only partly explored.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence between sentences and paragraphs. For example, the sentence 'Although, some systems and programs should remain as' seems incomplete and confusing.
coherence cohesion
Clarify vague points and ensure your ideas are completely expressed. For example, 'Making it embedded into the education system' could benefit from additional specifics.
coherence cohesion
Good organization: Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps guide the reader.
task achievement
Clear objectives: Your introduction sets the stage well for the discussion of financial literacy and the role of government.
task achievement
Proposed solutions: You’ve presented two thoughtful solutions to the financial literacy problem, demonstrating your capacity to think critically about societal issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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