IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people?

#people #money #government #debt #support
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The most important part is that the
government
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 should have programs on developing potential and
skills
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 so that
people
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 can find work with the
skills
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 that were developed with the help of the programs. The
advantage
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 is that
people
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 would be able to use these
skills
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 for life and possibly help themselves with
such
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skills
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 to find work. The
advantage
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 is that
people
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 might have the same
skills
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, making the competition tight.
In addition
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, the
government
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 should have obligations for banks to give low interest rates to
people
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 who borrow
money
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 from the
bank
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 or the
government
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 so that more
people
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 would borrow
money
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 from the
bank
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. The
advantage
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 is that perhaps
people
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 will borrow
money
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 from banks, help their economy, and help the economy flow. The disadvantage is that
bank
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 officials might complain or give strikes since lowering interest rates means less profit for the
bank
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.
Finally
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, the
government
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 should use the tax to support
people
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 who lack basic needs
such
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 as temporary housing, food and clothes. The
advantage
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 is that the
government
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 won’t have to find the
money
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 needed to fund the program, but the disadvantages are that
people
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 would be relying on the program and might be too lazy to work since they know that they’d be supported.
However
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, the taxpayers would
also
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 disagree because the funds are from the taxes they paid for facilities and construction. In conclusion, the
government
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 needs to develop the potential and
skills
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 needed for
people
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 to make
money
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 for themselves.
Also
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, they should lessen the interest rates of banks, and
lastly
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, they must support
people
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 who can’t fulfil their basic needs by giving them basic needs
such
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 as temporary housing, food, and clothing with taxpayer
money
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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introduction suggestion
Consider introducing the essay with a general statement about money management challenges before diving into government solutions. This will provide a foundation for the problem being addressed.
example expansion
Explore more specific examples or case studies of successful government programs in money management. This can strengthen your points and make them more compelling.
transition suggestion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, linking the discussion of interest rates more directly to skill development could enhance coherence.
conclusion effectiveness
The essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes the points effectively, reinforcing the key arguments presented.
comprehensive approach
The essay addresses multiple government intervention strategies, showcasing a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
analysis depth
The discussion of potential advantages and disadvantages for each solution offers depth to the analysis, demonstrating critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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