IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
The is no denying
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact a
lot
 of young people
are interest
Change the verb form
are interested
show examples
to
Change preposition
in working
show examples
work
 or
travel
Verb problem
travelling
show examples
 when
finish
Change the verb form
finishing
show examples
 high school and before starting university studies. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, the are many benefits to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 year before study a bachelor. The
work
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 time
well
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 a
lot
 of
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
what
Change preposition
with what
show examples
 they want to study
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, if you try to
work
 in a fashion store maybe help you to think about the subject of
Add an article
the stylet
show examples
stylet
Correct your spelling
style
show examples
 in university. I you
work
 before
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
,
this
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 you to improve your skills and
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 knowledge.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 you can have money,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
well
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
 improve your responsibility
how
Change preposition
for how
show examples
 to use money. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, the
work
 will take a
lot
 of time.
Moreever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, many
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 age very difficult
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
However
, a
lot
 of jobs must to be up 22 years old to
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have a job.
In addition
,in
this
 age group
well
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
 be hard to interact with
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 of the job. In conclusion, I prefer to have
work
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travel because there are a
lot
 of benefits .
in addition
,
this
well
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
 make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
start with all
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 skills and
well
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
 be excellent than the other
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
Submitted by modhialarjani1999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage to reduce errors and make your ideas clearer.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points.
Task Achievement
The response addresses the prompt adequately and provides a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs that discuss different aspects of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: