Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Nowadays
tourism
is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
most important thing in our social life.Most
people
agree that civilization will be destroyed if it is used to earn
tourism
revenue
, but other
people
believe that
tourism
is the only
way
of protecting
culture
. I totally believe that
culture
will be ruined if is used to gain
tourism
revenue
,
although
tourism
is the only
way
of protecting
culture
. On the one hand, most
people
consider that
culture
will be
destroyedin
Correct your spelling
destroyed in
destroyed
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
of
tourist
places and
tourism
branches.
For example
, if
tourists
come to other
tourist
places, they might be destroyed or polluted during their travel.
For instance
, more
people
did not want to accept other
tourists
from
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
countrycountry
Correct your spelling
countries
.
Moreover
, it
to harm
Change the verb form
harms
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the environment.
For example
, when
tourists
travel
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
environmental sites
such
as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
forests, mountains and rivers, they may pollute
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
with their disorderly character.
For instance
, the government must decline
tourist
in their country.
On the other hand
, a lot of
people
consider that
tourism
is the only
way
of protecting
culture
. Because they think
tourism
is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
most important branch of our social life. Whenever a lot of
tourists
come from other
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
sites, it is very useful and important for their
culture
.
For example
, when a
tourist
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
to other countries, they give a lot of information about their
culture
,
then
others know about different cultures.
Moreover
, they think it is extremely important knowledge for
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
culture
.
For instance
, they always want to come
tourists
from
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
countrycountry
Correct your spelling
countries
. In conclusion, most
people
consider that
culture
will be destroyed if it is used to earn
tourism
revenue
, but
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
consider that
tourism
is the only
way
of protecting civilization.
Although
, I totally believe that,
culture
will be ruined if it is used to gain
tourism
revenue
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay starts with an introduction, but it lacks a clear thesis statement outlining the main points to be discussed. Ensure your introduction clearly states your position and previews the points you will talk about.
task achievement
Make sure to develop your main points with specific and relevant examples. The examples provided are somewhat vague and do not effectively support the arguments. Try to use concrete examples that clearly illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that hinder the clarity of your ideas. For example, 'destroyedin' and 'countrycountry' are typographical errors that should be avoided. Proofreading your work can help eliminate these mistakes.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both views on the topic, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, which helps in providing closure to the essay.
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