IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #culture #tourism #revenue
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Nowadays
tourism
Use synonyms
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 most important thing in our social life.Most
people
Use synonyms
 agree that civilization will be destroyed if it is used to earn
tourism
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
, but other
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is the only
way
Use synonyms
 of protecting
culture
Use synonyms
. I totally believe that
culture
Use synonyms
 will be ruined if is used to gain
tourism
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
tourism
Use synonyms
 is the only
way
Use synonyms
 of protecting
culture
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, most
people
Use synonyms
 consider that
culture
Use synonyms
 will be
destroyedin
Correct your spelling
destroyed in
destroyed
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
tourist
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 places and
tourism
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 branches.
For example
Linking Words
, if
tourists
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 come to other
tourist
Use synonyms
 places, they might be destroyed or polluted during their travel.
For instance
Linking Words
, more
people
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 did not want to accept other
tourists
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 from
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
countrycountry
Correct your spelling
countries
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
to harm
Change the verb form
harms
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
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the environment.
For example
Linking Words
, when
tourists
Use synonyms
 travel
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 environmental sites
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
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 forests, mountains and rivers, they may pollute
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 with their disorderly character.
For instance
Linking Words
, the government must decline
tourist
Use synonyms
 in their country.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 consider that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is the only
way
Use synonyms
 of protecting
culture
Use synonyms
. Because they think
tourism
Use synonyms
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 most important branch of our social life. Whenever a lot of
tourists
Use synonyms
 come from other
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 sites, it is very useful and important for their
culture
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, when a
tourist
Use synonyms
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 to other countries, they give a lot of information about their
culture
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 others know about different cultures.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they think it is extremely important knowledge for
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
culture
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they always want to come
tourists
Use synonyms
 from
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
countrycountry
Correct your spelling
countries
. In conclusion, most
people
Use synonyms
 consider that
culture
Use synonyms
 will be destroyed if it is used to earn
tourism
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
, but
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 consider that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is the only
way
Use synonyms
 of protecting civilization.
Although
Linking Words
, I totally believe that,
culture
Use synonyms
 will be ruined if it is used to gain
tourism
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay starts with an introduction, but it lacks a clear thesis statement outlining the main points to be discussed. Ensure your introduction clearly states your position and previews the points you will talk about.
task achievement
Make sure to develop your main points with specific and relevant examples. The examples provided are somewhat vague and do not effectively support the arguments. Try to use concrete examples that clearly illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that hinder the clarity of your ideas. For example, 'destroyedin' and 'countrycountry' are typographical errors that should be avoided. Proofreading your work can help eliminate these mistakes.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both views on the topic, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, which helps in providing closure to the essay.
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