Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Nowadays
tourism
is a
most important thing in our social life.Most Correct article usage
the
people
agree that civilization will be destroyed if it is used to earn tourism
revenue
, but other people
believe that tourism
is the only way
of protecting culture
. I totally believe that culture
will be ruined if is used to gain tourism
revenue
, although
tourism
is the only way
of protecting culture
.
On the one hand, most people
consider that culture
will be destroyedin
Correct your spelling
destroyed in
destroyed
alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
tourist
places and tourism
branches. For example
, if tourists
come to other tourist
places, they might be destroyed or polluted during their travel. For instance
, more people
did not want to accept other tourists
from another
Correct quantifier usage
other
countrycountry
. Correct your spelling
countries
Moreover
, it to harm
Change the verb form
harms
for
the environment. Change preposition
apply
For example
, when tourists
travel in
environmental sites Change preposition
to
such
as:
forests, mountains and rivers, they may pollute Remove the comma
apply
environment
with their disorderly character. Add an article
the environment
For instance
, the government must decline tourist
in their country.
On the other hand
, a lot of people
consider that tourism
is the only way
of protecting culture
. Because they think tourism
is a
most important branch of our social life. Whenever a lot of Correct article usage
the
tourists
come from other touristic
sites, it is very useful and important for their Replace the word
tourist
culture
. For example
, when a tourist
come
to other countries, they give a lot of information about their Change the verb form
comes
culture
, then
others know about different cultures. Moreover
, they think it is extremely important knowledge for Correct article usage
the country
country
Change noun form
country's
culture
. For instance
, they always want to come tourists
from another
Correct quantifier usage
other
countrycountry
.
In conclusion, most Correct your spelling
countries
people
consider that culture
will be destroyed if it is used to earn tourism
revenue
, but others
Correct quantifier usage
other
people
consider that tourism
is the only way
of protecting civilization. Although
, I totally believe that, culture
will be ruined if it is used to gain tourism
revenue
.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay starts with an introduction, but it lacks a clear thesis statement outlining the main points to be discussed. Ensure your introduction clearly states your position and previews the points you will talk about.
task achievement
Make sure to develop your main points with specific and relevant examples. The examples provided are somewhat vague and do not effectively support the arguments. Try to use concrete examples that clearly illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that hinder the clarity of your ideas. For example, 'destroyedin' and 'countrycountry' are typographical errors that should be avoided. Proofreading your work can help eliminate these mistakes.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both views on the topic, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, which helps in providing closure to the essay.