Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison, so as to reduce the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, the number of
crimes
has increased over the past two decades.
Consequently
, the methods of
punishment
have become a pressing issue for debate. Most commentators argue that long-term
punishment
is not suitable compared to other forms of
punishment
. I agree with
this
perspective, which I will explain in
this
essay.
Firstly
, not all types of
crimes
should be evaluated in the same way.
For example
, intentionally killing someone is not the same as stealing a piece of gold. In
this
case, it would be unfair to sentence the thief to more than 15 years in prison, like the killer.
Additionally
, keeping criminals incarcerated for long periods costs the country a significant amount of money
due to
the services that must be provided for them.
Moreover
, security personnel must be available at all times to monitor them.
According to
recent statistics from London newspapers, the number of prisoners has increased, and there is insufficient capacity to accommodate all of them.
Furthermore
, the allocated budget continues to be consumed by the increasing number of inmates.
However
,
while
a variety of punishments is needed, we cannot overlook the importance of severe
punishment
for serious
crimes
, even if it results in criminals spending a long time in jail.
This
approach can lead to a decrease in crime rates and an increase in safety within the community. In conclusion, long-term
punishment
is reserved for individuals who have committed aggressive
crimes
against the community or other individuals;
such
individuals should not be integrated back into society.
Conversely
, those who commit minor
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
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should face shorter sentences followed by release, as their prolonged incarceration would be costly for the country.
Submitted by aisha_zain on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific data or case studies to strengthen your argument. This would elevate the relevance and specificity of your examples.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the transition between ideas in the body paragraphs to enhance overall flow. For instance, using words like 'Similarly,' 'In contrast,' and 'Moreover' can help.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, framing the main argument effectively.
task achievement
The task is addressed well with comprehensive ideas. You have successfully discussed both sides of the argument and provided a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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