IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison, so as to reduce the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In contemporary society, the number of
crimes
Use synonyms
 has increased over the past two decades.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the methods of
punishment
Use synonyms
 have become a pressing issue for debate. Most commentators argue that long-term
punishment
Use synonyms
 is not suitable compared to other forms of
punishment
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective, which I will explain in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
, not all types of
crimes
Use synonyms
 should be evaluated in the same way.
For example
Linking Words
, intentionally killing someone is not the same as stealing a piece of gold. In
this
Linking Words
 case, it would be unfair to sentence the thief to more than 15 years in prison, like the killer.
Additionally
Linking Words
, keeping criminals incarcerated for long periods costs the country a significant amount of money
due to
Linking Words
 the services that must be provided for them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, security personnel must be available at all times to monitor them.
According to
Linking Words
 recent statistics from London newspapers, the number of prisoners has increased, and there is insufficient capacity to accommodate all of them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the allocated budget continues to be consumed by the increasing number of inmates.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 a variety of punishments is needed, we cannot overlook the importance of severe
punishment
Use synonyms
 for serious
crimes
Use synonyms
, even if it results in criminals spending a long time in jail.
This
Linking Words
 approach can lead to a decrease in crime rates and an increase in safety within the community. In conclusion, long-term
punishment
Use synonyms
 is reserved for individuals who have committed aggressive
crimes
Use synonyms
 against the community or other individuals;
such
Linking Words
 individuals should not be integrated back into society.
Conversely
Linking Words
, those who commit minor
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
 should face shorter sentences followed by release, as their prolonged incarceration would be costly for the country.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding more specific data or case studies to strengthen your argument. This would elevate the relevance and specificity of your examples.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the transition between ideas in the body paragraphs to enhance overall flow. For instance, using words like 'Similarly,' 'In contrast,' and 'Moreover' can help.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, framing the main argument effectively.
task achievement
The task is addressed well with comprehensive ideas. You have successfully discussed both sides of the argument and provided a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: