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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison, so as to reduce the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #criminals #terms #prison #crime #rate
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In contemporary society, the number of
crimes
 has increased over the past two decades.
Consequently
, the methods of
punishment
 have become a pressing issue for debate. Most commentators argue that long-term
punishment
 is not suitable compared to other forms of
punishment
. I agree with
this
 perspective, which I will explain in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, not all types of
crimes
 should be evaluated in the same way.
For example
, intentionally killing someone is not the same as stealing a piece of gold. In
this
 case, it would be unfair to sentence the thief to more than 15 years in prison, like the killer.
Additionally
, keeping criminals incarcerated for long periods costs the country a significant amount of money
due to
 the services that must be provided for them.
Moreover
, security personnel must be available at all times to monitor them.
According to
 recent statistics from London newspapers, the number of prisoners has increased, and there is insufficient capacity to accommodate all of them.
Furthermore
, the allocated budget continues to be consumed by the increasing number of inmates.
However
,
while
 a variety of punishments is needed, we cannot overlook the importance of severe
punishment
 for serious
crimes
, even if it results in criminals spending a long time in jail.
This
 approach can lead to a decrease in crime rates and an increase in safety within the community. In conclusion, long-term
punishment
 is reserved for individuals who have committed aggressive
crimes
 against the community or other individuals;
such
 individuals should not be integrated back into society.
Conversely
, those who commit minor
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
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 should face shorter sentences followed by release, as their prolonged incarceration would be costly for the country.
Submitted by aisha_zain on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific data or case studies to strengthen your argument. This would elevate the relevance and specificity of your examples.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the transition between ideas in the body paragraphs to enhance overall flow. For instance, using words like 'Similarly,' 'In contrast,' and 'Moreover' can help.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, framing the main argument effectively.
task achievement
The task is addressed well with comprehensive ideas. You have successfully discussed both sides of the argument and provided a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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